Since I was little I have planned my future to a T, not to mention my wedding. I thought of everything and had my life figured out. I made long goals for myself, such as, being engaged by 21, having three kids and their names are already picked out. Now that I am 21, I am nowhere close to being ready to get married.

I have always pictured myself getting married and having a family, but the actual process to getting married to someone scares me and as I have gotten older, marriage has always been scary to me. I wonder if he is the one, or if I can tell if he is. How can anyone tell if he is the one? The divorce rate is growing and I want to my first marriage to be my only marriage.

I am all about long term relationships, I haven't really been by myself for very long and maybe that's the issue. Maybe I haven't found myself and what I enjoy without having to worry about someone else. I put everyone else before me, and I'm not really giving myself attention.

I see all of my friends getting engaged and nothing makes me more happy than seeing them happy. I think that's what I want because being engaged is fun and you do a lot of fun things. But I know if I were to walk down the aisle tomorrow I wouldn't do it. Something in me tells me I'm not ready and its a gut feeling. Maybe that feeling will go away when I meet the one or maybe it wont. Maybe I already found the one. Either way it will be awhile until I am ready to get married.

I have my whole life ahead of me, and even though I see myself having children and what not I can't seem to see myself standing at the end of the alter with someone. I have too many what ifs about marriage to fully commit anytime soon. I have fears of marriage and it might take me years before I am ready. I might be 30 before I am ready to get married. I don't want to rush into anything that I am not 100 percent about. The more I have grown, I have decided what is best for myself.

If the day comes that I am ready to commit to the one I don't want to have any doubts or what ifs. I want to be able to walk the whole way to the end of the isle and be able to say yes. I want to be able to have no fears walking into a marriage. I want my marriage to last forever and be my only one.

Sometimes planning ahead is a good idea and helps you achieve long term goals, but don't rush into those goals if you know you aren't ready. I believe in fate and everything happens for a reason, if my gut is telling me I'm not ready for marriage then I am going to listen. Never do something that someone else wants you to do, follow your heart, because you know what is best for you.