Is Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg A Robot?: An Investigation
Start writing a post

Is Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg A Robot?: An Investigation

He sure needed a lot of water at the Senate hearing; perhaps his system was overheating.

Is Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg A Robot?: An Investigation

You've heard the rumors. You've seen the evidence. But now it's time to put them all together.

Let's see whether Mark Zuckerberg is really a robot or just a thirsty human once and for all. Get ready to be exposed, Zucc.

Exhibit A: The Smile Bar

With some questionable first evidence, things aren't starting off so well for Zucky here. The smile bar is perfectly timed with his smile as all of his features begin to change in sync with the mouse swiping. Perhaps an internal computer is working to adopt more human habits by implementing a smile bar.

Exhibit B: The Lack of Age

It seems that Zucky has had the exact same face for decades. No matter if people look relatively the same after years, something always changes about their appearance. However, Zucky never changes his appearance, as shown by this oh-so-revealing gif. In fact, he seems to be getting younger as the years go on! Could this be a result of updated machinery and new technology in his robot body?

Exhibit C: The Ice Bucket Challenge

We see here that Mark Zuckerberg has partaken in the ice bucket challenge. While on first glance, this may seem to invalidate the robot argument; wouldn't he not want to pour cold water all over himself that may damage his intricate machinery?

However, on closer inspection, we can see that Zucky has absolutely no reaction to an impressively large bucket of ice water being poured over his head. No matter how hardcore people are, there is always some reaction, whether it be a slight yelp or some trembling. We see none of that here, which leaves us to assume that he lacks external sensors that imitate the sense of touch. As for not pouring water over machinery, Zucky must have impenetrable seams and a thick external covering to protect his undoubtedly complex internal apparatus.

Exhibit D: Eyes are the doors to the gadgetry?

Harmless at first, his eyes seem human enough. But when given a closer look, they start to appear a bit... abnormal. Their peridot-green color is the stuff of romantic fiction and are too clear and bright to be truly human. All light eyes have some streaks of another color mixed within them, but Zucky's bright emerald eyes show no signs of multicolored lines. Dear technology developer of Mark Zuckerberg, this was a huge and lazy misstep. Perhaps we would have bought the whole human façade if his eyes had not given away what lies within.

Exhibit E: His Perfect Skin

JUST LOOK AT HIS SKIN. No human on the face of this planet has such amazingly smooth skin! Upon closer inspection, aka zooming in and clarifying the image, I found no bumps or valleys on his skin, even in this bright lighting. There is no discoloration whatsoever and whatever moles he has are not visible in most pictures. Therefore, this covering of his must be a synthetic skin of sorts, to cover his robot machinery, because no natural skin would be this flawless.

Exhibit F: Mark As Jesus

Okay, close your eyes and imagine this. You are creating a robot that must be passable as a human. You can make him look like anyone. So why not model him after a man that many people around the world deem as the ideal and perfect man?

We see the similarity when we transpose the face of Zucky over that of Jesus. They essentially have the same features, from the doe eyes right down to the proportional lips. This evidence is particularly damning because Mark's creator let himself slip and made what can be seen as an exact physical replica of Jesus fricking Christ.

Exhibit G: That Robotic Gait

His robot brain must register that he has mastered the art of walking like a human.

However, to the trained eye, his gait is still slightly choppy and too measured; no matter how hard a robot trains, his steps will never look fully human. Zucky's feet lift the exact same height of the floor and have the same degree tilt, and his knees and calves still bend too precisely instead of the slight natural change in gait once in a while that develops in humans. Robots cannot fool a skeptic if the skeptic knows what he or she is looking for. Good effort though, Zucky and creator!

Exhibit H: The Unnatural Blinks

What a fluid blink! However, in reality, no human blink is that smooth. This sort of motion only results from the sliding shut of a robot's eyes, sort of like an airplane window sliding shut. Zucky's eyes work like windshield wipers and his movements are so planned, practiced, and precise.

What can you expect though? Technology has become so advanced these days that Zucky, with his million-dollar, state-of-the-art gadgetry can easily avoid awkward and choppy motions and instead replace them with measured, flowing movements. Still, it's evident to the experienced eye that this is no grace of a human, it's the precision of Artificial Intelligence.

Exhibit I: The Inverted Knees

Here we see Mark Zuckerberg attempting to walk like a normal human being. To absolutely no one's surprise, he fails dreadfully. His knees seem to be inverted, assisting him in walking more efficiently. No human could possibly do this with normal joint movement... but advanced machinery could.

Exhibit J: The Contact Lens

This does not require much explanation, but clearly the perfect jade-green eyes we examined earlier are simply contact lenses, meant to cover the real Mark Zuckerberg. However, this also raises more questions than it answers. Is Mark Zuckerberg an indigo creature with glowing white eyes? Or is he a robot with lizard eyes? Why would his creator give him lizard eyes if he is a robot? Perhaps it is to give him superior vision due to an abundance of nerve endings in reptilian eyes. Or rather, perhaps it is to throw us off the trail and lead us to believe he is a lizard and not a robot.

Whatever the answer may be, this might require further investigation to determine the connection between this reptilian clue and the robot form of the Zucc.

Exhibit R: The System Overheat

What could be clearer than this? The evidence is getting more incriminating further into this investigation. Due to the pressure of the probing questions of the Senate at the hearing, Zucky's robot system, unequipped to handle human emotions with sweat and other coping mechanisms, overheats, causing him to pause for long periods of time and lose his ability to form human facial expressions temporarily.


And so Zucky drinks. And drinks. And keeps drinking coolant till he is practically chugging the H2O he so desperately needs during the Senate hearing so as not to internally combust.

Exhibit O: The Robo-Vision

Obviously, this is an extremely credible source that we should all trust. Mark Zuckerberg has robo-vision, informing him of different aspects of Ted Cruz and all of the other congressmembers such as temperature, facial composition, and even current emotion. Perhaps this has allowed him to see others' secrets even without the Facebook information leak.

Exhibit B: The Dissection Of His Head

When a reputable medical source executed a dissection upon suspected non-human Mark Zuckerberg, he was found to have machinery in place of a skull and the usual human cephalic anatomy. As you can clearly see, his skin is simply made of synthetic panels covering the secret that lies within. The little screen inside his head that displays the number 1984 makes it so that his "memory" stretches back no further than that year in order to ensure that he appears to be a human with legitimate memories.

However, it's too late for the Zucc. We have exposed Mark Zuckerberg's cephalic secret.

Exhibit O: The Strange Eating Habits and Tweets

Here we see a Zucc attempting to ingest food like a normal human. However, his efforts to blend in with the his "fellow" homo sapiens fail miserably. He ends up looking like a strange excited dinosaur creature rather than a human.

This tweet also exhibits glaring signs of incongruities with the normal human thought process. As Twitter is a place of few and simple words, Zucc's verbose and stiffly-worded tweet sets him apart from the human race, as a regular American would never know such complex vocabulary.

Exhibit T: Zucky finally admits it!

And finally we have arrived to what is perhaps the most potent piece of evidence: a guilty as charged confession from our man himself. Here Zucchini (which is what “Zuckerberg" autocorrected to when I was writing this) attempts to share some words of wisdom in a motivational speech to students, but ends up revealing his dangerous secret.

He admits the following in a video clip of the incident: “But it is gonna [sic] bother you because you're human and I was human...," he blanches and begins to stutter, trying desperately to rectify his grevious error and knowing he will have angered his creator, “I am human still, um, but I was just referring to myself in the past, um, not that I was not human..."

For this to be considered a simple coincedence would be to give fate too much credit. Incidents like this do not simply just occur; they always surround a dark secret, such as Zuckerbergian gadgetry.

It is time for the verdict.

Based on the plethora of evidence, Mark “the Zucc" Zuckerberg is most definitely a robot.

However, further research is required to discern his creator's intentions, his level of advanced machinery and his connection to kingdom Reptilia.

For now, we can (not) rest easy knowing that this case is closed. The robot apocalypse is not upon us just yet, but with the Zucc spearheading this covert movement, it may very well be upon us soon.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Freshly popped buttered popcorn in your lap and a glass full of crisp Coca-Cola is at your side. All the lights are turned off and you are tucked into a cozy blanket. You have the whole day off and no responsibilities besides refilling your popcorn bucket. Now all you have to do is decide on what movie to watch, but you know one movie will not fulfill your need of relaxing all day. A movie marathon is the only answer to your problem. In case you did not know what movie series to start with, try a few of these.

Keep Reading... Show less
A Touch Of Teal

It's the oldest story in the world: one day a new tv show comes on and you fall in love with each character and their story. In 2003, the show "One Tree Hill" was born and stole the hearts of fans of many ages. Torn between the sweet, underdog Lucas and tough, popular boy Nathan, people became hooked through the family and relationship drama the characters went through.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

12 Starbucks Iced Drinks You NEED In Your Life

Must-try beverages brought to you by your local barista.


Be kind to your baristas, they can make you some pretty great drinks. With the temperature rising and the days getting longer, it's approaching the time to find your summer staple to keep you cool (and caffeinated) over the next few months.

Keep Reading... Show less

"Keeping Up With The Kardashians" is coming to an end after 20 seasons of intense drama, family bonding, and Scott Disick. It's sad for some and a relief for others who find the show way overhyped.

Keep Reading... Show less

Starbucks is known for its infamous coffee and espresso drinks, but they're definitely isn't enough love shown for the non-coffee drinks. Being a barista myself, I've come to try all of the following drinks. And let me tell you…they're amazing. So if you aren't a huge fan of coffee or if you're just sick of the same old same old, here are some new drinks to keep your inner white girl alive and thriving.

SEE MORE: Starbucks Has Chocolate-Covered Strawberry Cold Brew And OMG It Has Pink Foam

Keep Reading... Show less

What was usually buried at the bottom of my purse has now become a pocket essential — and I know I'm not alone in that.

It used to be something I'd use if I happened to be at a restaurant that ran out of soap in their bathroom, but now it's almost more essential to have on-hand at all times than my cell phone.

Keep Reading... Show less

The decision-makers of Yale's law students have invested in therapy dog sessions in order to reduce stress. In 2011, Yale Law Library had a sign-out sheet for their certified library dog. The 30-minute sessions were equipped with unconditional, stress-busting puppy love.

Law Librarian Blair Kauffman stated that the free, three-day pilot pet therapy program at Yale Law Library launched as "a positive addition to current services offered by the library."

Keep Reading... Show less

I have been working at Dunkin' Donuts for over two years, and during this time, I have progressed from regular crew member to crew coach, and finally, to shift leader. Among my great skills involving the job is my ability to deal with stressful situations, including awful customers. My boss has continuously pointed out the fact that I am able to handle these people with grace and kindness. She herself often finds that she gets snippy with rude customers, but somehow I am able to keep a straight face through these tough times.

Keep Reading... Show less

Let's be real here — sometimes essential oils and acknowledging all five senses (touch, see, hear, smell, taste) just don't cut it when you need to cope. It's those days when you have so much rage that you don't even know what to do with yourself, or those days when you physically cannot stop crying because of the most suffocating sadness, or all those other days when you are craving healthy coping mechanisms that actually work.

But before I let you in, we need to continue being real. I hope you are comforted with the knowledge that before I uncovered (or, even wanted to uncover) healthy mechanisms, I also went through my drought of horrible coping mechanisms. I have, and sometimes continue, to fall short of genuinely trying to help myself. It takes a lot of courage, and energy, to genuinely try and help yourself.

Keep Reading... Show less

3 Couples From 'The Vampire Diaries' Who Deserved A Happy Ending More Than Damon And Elena

Unfortunately, not every couple got their happy endings on "The Vampire Diaries."


If you are just now tuning into "The Vampire Diaries," then beware of spoilers.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments