The 5-Step Marie Kondo Method To Surviving Your Next Breakup

The 5-Step Marie Kondo Method To Surviving Your Next Breakup

The life-changing magic of breaking up.

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Netflix has a great new special and it has taught me that the KonMari method of tidying up is applicable to many areas of our lives. including breakups. Getting rid of dead weight has never seemed so fun! Time to tidy up.

I don't know what the stars are doing lately, but a lot of my friends are going through break-ups. At first, I wanted to give my tried and true "He sucked anyway, you're amazing" advice, but since I've watched "Tidying Up With Marie Kondo" on Netflix, I know I have some solid advice for them.

Dear friends, you are taking control of your life and giving up that which does not spark joy. So now that you've ditched your ex, here are your next steps, KonMari style.

1. Clothes.

Gather all of your ex's clothes into a pile from all over your house, dorm, or apartment. Resist the urge to set them on fire. It's not their fault. Now, grab a trash bag! Pick up any pieces of their clothing that you absolutely loved, that really sparked joy, and put those in the trash bag first. DO NOT SMELL THEM! Then put the rest into the trash bag. You will probably cry. It's okay. As you put everything into the trash bag, thank the clothes for all the good they did you and your ex. Tie that sucker up tight. Now you have some options! Drop the clothes off at your ex's, ask them to come get them, or donate them. Whichever one of those ideas sparks joy, do that. Fire is still not an option.

2. Books.

Please take this time to delete the novels of text messages you've sent to each other. As you decide what things you want to take with you into the future and you make space for possibility, remember that you have already decided not to bring your ex. This includes DM's, emails, letters, and messages. If the relationship is over, let it go, with all the baggage. You don't need it where you're going! As you go through things, your eyes will inevitably skim. You will probably cry. It's okay. As you delete, thank the message for the purpose it served. If it was loving, be grateful for the love and joy it brought you. If it was not, be thankful for the clarity it brought you. Let them go.

3. Papers.

You do not need to keep the Christmas card, the birthday card, Valentine's day card, or the love notes. Thank the cards and notes for the love they brought to your heart and the purpose they served, and the put them right in the recycling. You might cry. It's okay. Life is messy. Wave your hands around with a flourish and declare that you love tidying messes.

4. Komono.

You don't belong to your ex, so you don't belong in the box.

AKA Miscellaneous. Toothbrush. Shower stuff. Their coffee mug. DVDs. Throw blankets. Their art. Get a box. Put everything into the box. Arigato x 100. CLOSE THE BOX. You might cry. It's okay. You are making space for you. Sometimes we leave things around from people who aren't there anymore to remind us of them, but do you really want to be reminded of your ex right now? No. So, close the box. Tape it up. Don't do the "this side goes over this other side and that side goes under this side" thing so you can just pull it open again when you decide you want to keep that mug or DVD. Tape it shut. Commit. If you are on good enough terms with your ex to give this box to them, do so. If you aren't, donate the items that will be of service to someone else, and toss the rest.

5. Sentimental.

This is mostly about photos. So, first thing's first. Purge your Facebook and Instagram of your ex. Get their face off your feed. Unfollow, block, or whatever you need to do to stop looking at them, and being connected to them. Tidy up. Go through all of your photos and delete the ones of you and your ex. In the future, you will remember to get more photos of just you, even if you are dating someone at the time. Take all the photos of your ex out of the frames, as you do this, decide if the frame itself sparks joy. Thank the photo for reminding you of good times, and throw it out. This is where it gets tricky, 10 years from now you may want to look back on your life before ish hit the fan with this partner. That's okay. Get yourself a USB and put every photo there. Maybe lose it. Then, gather all the other sentimental items together, they might be gifts from your ex or souvenirs from trips you went on together. Pick each item up. Does it spark joy? Do you want to hug it with excitement? Is it something you want to take with you into the future? Does it bring positivity to your life? If it makes you feel sad or guilty about your ex, thank it, then toss it. If it does spark joy, put it in a place where you can enjoy it in the future. You're allowed to keep what makes you happy.

Break-ups are awful. They absolutely suck. Finding what sparks joy is an important step in moving on. Tidying up is more than getting rid of your ex's stuff, it's doing the emotional work required to move on. You might cry. It's okay. Sending love for brighter days ahead.

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Why You Actually Don't Want To Be Prescribed Adderall

ADD isn't all that it's cracked up to be.
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As I'm writing this, I can feel my concentration slipping. Noises have become enticing, I feel distanced from my phone, and every time someone walks by me in the library, I turn around seeing if it's someone I know. My extended-release Adderall is starting to wear off and my brain is starting to relax back to its natural state. My ADD is climbing out from underneath the blanket of focus I had for 10 hours today.

ADD is not all that it's cracked up to be. Sure, we get prescribed the precious Adderall so many people want, but at what cost? Let me put this in context for you. You know when you're at the library and there's a one really, really loud girl talking on the phone? You know the one. The girl that, for some reason, thinks it's OK to have a full-fledged conversation with her mom about her boyfriend in the middle of the quiet section. The girl that's talking so loud that it's all you can think about, occupying all of your focus. Well, that's what every single person in the room is like when you have ADD.

Distractions that are easy to ignore to someone without ADD are intensified and, instead of focusing on the task at hand, I'm listening to the girl three seats down from me eat her barbecue kettle chips. When you have ADD, it's not just schoolwork you can't focus on. You can't focus on anything. I tried to watch a foreign film one time without my medicine, and I forgot to pay attention to the subtitles. I realized about halfway through the movie that I had no idea what was going on.

What almost everyone that asks me for my Adderall doesn't understand is that I take Adderall to focus how you would normally. When you take my Adderall you feel like you can solve the world's problems. You can bang out an entire project in one night. You can cram for an entire exam fueled by this surge of motivation that seems super-hero-like.

You take my Adderall and ask me, “Is this how you feel all the time?" And, unfortunately, my answer is no. I'll never feel like a limitless mastermind. When I take Adderall, I become a normal human being. I can finish a normal amount of work, in a normal amount of time.

My brain works in two modes: on Adderall, and off Adderall. On Adderall, I'm attentive, motivated and energetic. Off Adderall, I can barely get up the motivation and focus to clean my room or send an email. And it's frustrating. I'm frustrated with my lack of drive. I'm frustrated that this is how my brain operates. Scattered, spastic and very, very unorganized. There's nothing desirable about not being able to finish a sentence because you lost thought mid-way through.

The worst thing that you can say to anyone with ADD is, “I think I should start taking Adderall." Having ADD isn't a free pass to get super-pills, having ADD means you have a disability. I take Adderall because I have a disability, and it wasn't a choice I had a say in. I was tested for ADD my freshman year of college.

My parents were skeptical because they didn't know exactly what ADD was. To them, the kids with ADD were the bad kids in school that caused a scene and were constantly sent out of class. Not an above average student in her first year at a university. I went to a counselor and, after I was diagnosed with ADD, told me with a straight mouth, “Marissa this is something you're going to have to take for the rest of your life."

When the late-night assignments and cramming for the tests are over, and we're all out in the real world, I'm still going to be taking Adderall. When I'm raising a family and have to take the right kid to the right place for soccer practice, I'm still going be taking Adderall. And when I'm trying to remember the numbers they just said for bingo at my nursing home, I'm still going to be taking Adderall.

So you tell me you're jealous that I get prescribed Adderall? Don't be. I'm jealous that you can drink a cup a coffee and motivate yourself once you lose focus. I'm jealous that the success of your day doesn't depend on whether or not you took a pill that morning. The idea of waking up and performing a full day without my medicine is foreign to me.

My brain works in two modes, and I don't know which one is the right one. I don't know which mode is the one the big man upstairs wants me to operate in. So before you say you want to be prescribed to Adderall, ask yourself if you need and want to operate in two different modes.

Ask yourself if you want to rely on medicine to make your entire life work. If I had a choice, I would choose coffee like the rest of the world.

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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The Realities Of Dating A High Schooler While You're In College

A freshman in college dating a senior...in high school?

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I have been with my boyfriend since the summer before my senior year of high school. We knew coming into it that we would have to spend my freshman year of high school apart. Now with only 7 weeks left of my first year in college, here is my take on what it's like to date someone still going to your alma mater.

1. FaceTime is your new best friend

FaceTime is my most used app now. If I am free at night or just want to see his face, I can always depend on a call. This might sound cheesy, but FaceTime sleepovers are an *almost* daily occurrence. Even if we both have things to do, we just call each other and do our own thing. This makes me feel closer, considering the 125+ miles between us.

2. A whole other reason to come home

Seeing family and friends while being home is great. But what's better than a bigger bed and your boo cuddling next to you? Plus, I have rides to and from without having to bug my parents.

3. Different breaks

For both winter and spring break, there have been times when he is still in school while I am off. So, I am basically a "housewife" for those days. It does stink that I have to wait until after 3 to hang out with him, but at the same time, I can get some work done while he's at school. It'll probably always be like this, considering he is going to a community college at home for the next two years. But, maybe it'll coincide (fingers crossed!)

4. One foot in college, one foot in high school

Dating a high schooler and being friends with people in his grade and below, I do feel like I am sorta in high school still. I still sit in the student section at games, and workout with my friends at the high school. I'm still "popular" in some sense because of him but also because I am from a super small school. I just can't wait until baseball season!

5. DANCES!

Homecoming! Winter Carnival! Prom! Having a boyfriend in high school is great because my last dances weren't really my last ones. So now, I am looking at both formal and prom dresses!

6. People asking the dreaded question

Whenever anyone at college finds out I have a boyfriend, they always ask where he goes and what year he is. My answer is always "He's back at home" or "He's a senior...in high school". Everyone asks why I stay with him and my thinking is, why would I break up with him just because I am a little ways away? He knows that I am pursuing my dreams down here, even if they aren't necessarily with him (yet).

I don't really see the drastic differences between dating a high schooler while in college, but I am definitely not changing it any time soon!

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