The 5-Step Marie Kondo Method To Surviving Your Next Breakup

The 5-Step Marie Kondo Method To Surviving Your Next Breakup

The life-changing magic of breaking up.

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Netflix has a great new special and it has taught me that the KonMari method of tidying up is applicable to many areas of our lives. including breakups. Getting rid of dead weight has never seemed so fun! Time to tidy up.

I don't know what the stars are doing lately, but a lot of my friends are going through break-ups. At first, I wanted to give my tried and true "He sucked anyway, you're amazing" advice, but since I've watched "Tidying Up With Marie Kondo" on Netflix, I know I have some solid advice for them.

Dear friends, you are taking control of your life and giving up that which does not spark joy. So now that you've ditched your ex, here are your next steps, KonMari style.

1. Clothes.

Gather all of your ex's clothes into a pile from all over your house, dorm, or apartment. Resist the urge to set them on fire. It's not their fault. Now, grab a trash bag! Pick up any pieces of their clothing that you absolutely loved, that really sparked joy, and put those in the trash bag first. DO NOT SMELL THEM! Then put the rest into the trash bag. You will probably cry. It's okay. As you put everything into the trash bag, thank the clothes for all the good they did you and your ex. Tie that sucker up tight. Now you have some options! Drop the clothes off at your ex's, ask them to come get them, or donate them. Whichever one of those ideas sparks joy, do that. Fire is still not an option.

2. Books.

Please take this time to delete the novels of text messages you've sent to each other. As you decide what things you want to take with you into the future and you make space for possibility, remember that you have already decided not to bring your ex. This includes DM's, emails, letters, and messages. If the relationship is over, let it go, with all the baggage. You don't need it where you're going! As you go through things, your eyes will inevitably skim. You will probably cry. It's okay. As you delete, thank the message for the purpose it served. If it was loving, be grateful for the love and joy it brought you. If it was not, be thankful for the clarity it brought you. Let them go.

3. Papers.

You do not need to keep the Christmas card, the birthday card, Valentine's day card, or the love notes. Thank the cards and notes for the love they brought to your heart and the purpose they served, and the put them right in the recycling. You might cry. It's okay. Life is messy. Wave your hands around with a flourish and declare that you love tidying messes.

4. Komono.

You don't belong to your ex, so you don't belong in the box.

AKA Miscellaneous. Toothbrush. Shower stuff. Their coffee mug. DVDs. Throw blankets. Their art. Get a box. Put everything into the box. Arigato x 100. CLOSE THE BOX. You might cry. It's okay. You are making space for you. Sometimes we leave things around from people who aren't there anymore to remind us of them, but do you really want to be reminded of your ex right now? No. So, close the box. Tape it up. Don't do the "this side goes over this other side and that side goes under this side" thing so you can just pull it open again when you decide you want to keep that mug or DVD. Tape it shut. Commit. If you are on good enough terms with your ex to give this box to them, do so. If you aren't, donate the items that will be of service to someone else, and toss the rest.

5. Sentimental.

This is mostly about photos. So, first thing's first. Purge your Facebook and Instagram of your ex. Get their face off your feed. Unfollow, block, or whatever you need to do to stop looking at them, and being connected to them. Tidy up. Go through all of your photos and delete the ones of you and your ex. In the future, you will remember to get more photos of just you, even if you are dating someone at the time. Take all the photos of your ex out of the frames, as you do this, decide if the frame itself sparks joy. Thank the photo for reminding you of good times, and throw it out. This is where it gets tricky, 10 years from now you may want to look back on your life before ish hit the fan with this partner. That's okay. Get yourself a USB and put every photo there. Maybe lose it. Then, gather all the other sentimental items together, they might be gifts from your ex or souvenirs from trips you went on together. Pick each item up. Does it spark joy? Do you want to hug it with excitement? Is it something you want to take with you into the future? Does it bring positivity to your life? If it makes you feel sad or guilty about your ex, thank it, then toss it. If it does spark joy, put it in a place where you can enjoy it in the future. You're allowed to keep what makes you happy.

Break-ups are awful. They absolutely suck. Finding what sparks joy is an important step in moving on. Tidying up is more than getting rid of your ex's stuff, it's doing the emotional work required to move on. You might cry. It's okay. Sending love for brighter days ahead.

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black-and-white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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I'm Learning To Appreciate Low Key Dates As Much As Fancy Ones

My boyfriend once told me he considered Taco Bell drive thrus and funny Youtube video binges dates, and I didn't really appreciate that until recently.

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When I was little, I had really grand ideas of romance and friendship. Older kids went on big fancy dates, with cute dresses, flowers, and spontaneous situations. When I came to be that age though, the idea of fancy dates became kind of lost on me, but I still liked the idea of big fancy dates if the opportunity ever arose. I'm one of those people who loves to create grand expectations for themselves, builds situations and ideas up before they even happen.

However, as I've grown up, started earning my own income, and learned to appreciate the person more than the setting, I've learned to appreciate the cheap, low effort dates for what they are, time with a person you care about a lot, with the added bonus of more money staying in your pocket.

My boyfriend and I are long distance, so a lot of our dates are just eating dinner together over Facebook video call and attempting to synchronize funny Youtube videos we can laugh at together. We don't get a lot of opportunities to see each other in person during the school year, so we try to make the best out of what we have. As much as I love the fancy parts of dressing up and trying new foods that come with what I guess would be considered more traditional dates, I feel more comfortable and relaxed with our low effort, low budget video call dates. A lot of that has translated into us being more comfortable around one another, something that definitely adds to our dynamic when we are around each other.

When we are together, we like to plan these big fancy dates, but we don't always follow through. Sometimes, having no plan is more fun than sticking to one for the whole day, and figuring out fun stuff to do together. Overall, it just seems like spontaneity helps us try new things and avoid just doing the same old movie date we like to do whenever we see each other.

My boyfriend recently told me he considers anytime we've gone to Taco Bell together a date, and we go there together a lot. At first, I thought this was silly, but then I thought of the drives we go on after or the times we've just sat there, eating and talking without having to yell over a hundred other conversations. Nothing means more to me than honest and open communication and discussion, so it started to make sense to me that we would consider all these drive-thru runs dates. We always seem to come away from them knowing a little more about the other person. Even if the food isn't exactly Michelin star quality, the relationship definitely is.

As a romantic person, I love dates of all kinds, but in finally learning to embrace drive-thru dates, I've remembered what the whole point of a date is. A date isn't for the cute, aesthetic stories, or a reason to get dressed up (even though I really like that part).

The whole point of a date is to get to know the person better.

Even though I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half, there's still a lot about him I have yet to know, and I feel like there's no better setting for that then when we're at our most comfortable. And sitting on our beds two states away from each other on Facebook video chat, or stuffing our faces with cheap fast food in a parked car in front of my hometown's lake seem like pretty comfortable places if you ask me.

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