They only contact you when they need something
It’s always the stereotypical “Hey are you busy? Do you have any plans?” If you reply yes, they magically disappear into a cloud of dust. If not, it turns into how in need they are for a ride or help with something at their house or insert other ridiculous thing that you don’t want to do but they know you will because you’re a friend.
Group chats have full conversations without you ever being included
If you notice that no one ever replies to anything you say in the group, even if you’re the only one that has said anything all day, you’re not their friend.
Every time you’re in need of help, whether it be support, to vent, or a ride, everyone is silent.
If you’ve never felt alone, think about asking your best friend or your mom for help with something and to never get a response. Didn’t you just help so and so get over a mental break down but they’re too busy on Snapchat to answer your phone calls? It’s always the best when you support them through their minute complaints and then when you’re having a hard time at life you can literally hear crickets from them.
You seem to always be an afterthought in plans
You see pictures of get togethers and everyone having a blast but don’t remember there ever being an invitation. Maybe they just forgot, but when you get a call at 2 am, you know you’re about to have to take a very drunk someone home.
Your thoughts, feelings, and needs are ignored until they need help
You may open up about a bad day, week, month you’re having and if they even do reply, it’s a half assed “that sucks.” To which conversations move on to more important things. But if they’re in a crisis with their boyfriend, make sure you pick up the phone to listen to the same story you’ve heard 20 times and make sure to give the same advice you’ve given time and time again. After all, this is their time of need.
You may be someone who tries your hardest to make and keep friends. If you relate to this, you probably go to the end of the earth trying to be available for them in hopes you will get the same in return when you need it. Maybe you think you should try harder, do more. Eventually you will make the connection that you are not a friend for them, but a resource they can depend on at any time and then forget you exist. You have given so much of yourself that you don’t know any other way than to continue to do whatever you can to feel a little less alone.
But at the end of the day, this is your life. These people who treat you like this aren’t friends. It is ultimately up to you to expend your energy into affection you will never get back or to cut your losses and hope they’ll see why they lost you.
So tell me, are you a convenience? Or are you someone worthy of the same work you put into others? I hope one day it’s the latter.
