Over the course of the past three months, I have felt the life inside me that I once treasured so deeply get torn from my body.
I've felt every ache and pain of stress with every move I have made.
Getting out of bed in the morning has become one of the very first checkmarks on my never-ending to-do list. Tied to the need to get over whatever feelings of displacement I am struggling with, I've felt the pressure of the impending semester holding me down.
This summer has left me with the feeling of exhaustion and need for escape. But with class beginning in just under two weeks, a trip across the world isn't quite in the books for me. That and my lack of funds are definitely holding me back.
I've lived in the lull of wanting more but not having the energy to work toward whatever that may be.
But during my past 48 hours of semi-relaxation, I've contemplated the depth of what Freshman-year me would have wanted from my life at this moment. Overall, I think I've pretty much hit the nail on the head as far as dreams may go. I'm on track to graduating cum laude, I've held several internships that may even lead to job opportunities post-graduation, and I've learned more about myself and my needs as a person. I think that if three years ago I saw into the future, I'd be pretty excited by what I saw.
But why do I not feel any excitement now?
It's likely because of my inhumanely-packed schedule and my internal fight with my lack of "best" friends. I've gone through a lot over the years and there are a million excuses for why I act and feel the way I do, but I've come to the realization that I need to get over myself. I need to fight this heaviness and let shit go. How else am I supposed to feel lighter?
I'm choosing to surround myself with people who make me feel empowered, who make me feel alive. Creatively-driven people who share their thoughts and crafts with others make me feel inspired. When I hear someone speak about their passions, their dreams, their hard work, I feel an electric shock to my body. I feel myself come alive again.
I surrounded myself with stagnant people for too long. And I'm not even just talking about a couple individuals here – I'm talking about a grand majority of people. As a creative and driven person, I've learned that I need to surround myself with like-minded people. At this point, it's not a want or a choice, it's a necessity.
My advice to you now, get to know what you need to make you feel alive. To climb out of any rut you may be fighting through, you must have people there to pull you out. This may look like a helping hand literally reaching down to grab yours to help lift you out, or it may just be an ankle of someone at the surface of your hole that you can just latch onto so that you pull yourself out.
Whatever your situation may look like, it's not as bad as it may seem. Put all your struggles into perspective. Take note cards and write down each issue you're fighting with and sprawl the notes across the floor in front of you. Create an action list of what needs to be done to get rid of your stresses and once you have, rip up that card. Not only are you letting it go physically but mentally as well.
Hang in there, my friend. You can do it.