You Have To Love Yourself Before Someone Will Love You??
Start writing a post

You Have To Love Yourself Before Someone Will Love You??

You have to perfect yourself before you can be loved. Right?

You Have To Love Yourself Before Someone Will Love You??

We've all heard it before. "You have to love yourself before anyone else can." Free of damage, issues, hesitations -- free of anything that makes you difficult, so you can finally succeed at love.



Loving yourself is not the pursuit of self-perfection.

It isn't pushing to erase every flaw, polish every smudge and round every corner to present yourself as a shiny token ready to be stuffed in the pocket of someone who thinks they deserve you. It isn't pulling trust out of a hat or ticking off a personal list of critiques, so no one ever has a reason to leave you.

It isn't running yourself through the washing machine to be hung on the line, waving at each passerby to show them just how clean you are. Just how ready you are to be worn.

Loving yourself is not pretending you can be perfect to make someone else comfortable with loving you.

It is understanding that your life is not valued by the presence of someone else.

Loving yourself is learning how to love life when you're making all the decisions. Realizing the world is a garden for you to flourish in, and not just a place to water someone else's seeds. It is the ability to hold yourself up, to know your flaws and appreciate your strengths, to find confidence and serenity in independence.

It is understanding that love is not ownership, trust is not dependence, and intimacy is not entitled.

Loving yourself is coming to terms with the fact that you aren't for everyone, and every person isn't going to be forever. It is being confident enough to know that you will be fine either way.

It is knowing that you will be just fine because your ability to survive and be happy depends on you.

But most importantly, it is understanding that knowing this does not make you love any less.

It is understanding that just because your world can no longer be pushed into revolving around someone else doesn't mean someone can't lift it up with you. Loving yourself does not mean that you can't experience the whirlwind of exhilaration that is falling in love, or that you can't be someone's person.

You do not have to choose between loving yourself and loving someone else. It isn't an either/or option.

Loving yourself is having the confidence to be in love and still know you have the ability to be happy on your own. It is knowing that this life is yours, and you choose who, how, and when you love in it.

Loving yourself is knowing you are worth it, not because of your perfection, but because of your ability to see the flaws and recognize their place.

So, no writing off love because you think self-love and independence mean noble isolation. But take the time to see that same self-love and independence are what will give you the peace to be happy on your own, and when love comes -- you'll be ready.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments