Since I can remember I have LOVED makeup. Makeup was extremely tempting for me to wear since like the 3rd grade. There was always that instinct to 'borrow' my moms makeup to do mine. The sad part about this love for makeup is that I could not wear it until I was fifteen years old. My mom was always against me using it before then as she claimed I did not need it. You can imagine that the moment I turned sixteen I was in Sephora getting my hands on any makeup product that I could;
Years passed and I got a job and this is where my obsession became worse as I spent money on makeup without thought. I would walk into these makeup stores and drop more than three hundred dollars in one trip, being that I had justifications for all the cosmetics I bought I had no limit. Collecting so many cosmetics I felt the need to use them all. It started as a couple days a week of wearing makeup. Than that turned into most of the week and finally into everyday,
After a while of not leaving my house without makeup on I realized there was something wrong with the way I was using makeup. Leaving my house without makeup on was not an option anymore, I would not allow myself to do anything without at least mascara and concealer. Every time I had to take my makeup off I would just feel dread. I had no love for my natural self, that I could not even stand to look at myself in the mirror. I did not like the way that I looked without it. Noticing everything like the dark circles under my eyes, my short lashes, the discoloration on my skin, and every other imperfection you can think of.
Photo by Jamie Street
My love for makeup turned into me having doubts about how beautiful I was without it. Looking at your true self in the mirror and coming to terms with the fact that you don't love yourself without the help of this confidence booster is just devastating. Makeup became the reasoning behind my mask and a low self esteem. I needed to step back and realize that I did not need to enhance myself with the use of makeup, but that it is supposed to be fun just like it used to be.
As of now, its important to work everyday on telling myself that I do not need all these things to be confident. Everyday is different and of course it normal to have worse days than others. I know I am not the only one that goes through these types of issues, but trust me when I say that telling yourself you don't need it really helps. The power of the mind is stronger than you think.