(Disclaimer: This is a satire so please don't take it seriously, thanks! Also, feel free to insert whatever gender or pronoun fits you best, this is just from my perspective.)
I've always loved the movie, "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." However, if you've seen the absolute classic starring the one and only, Kate Hudson, alongside dreamy Matthew McConaughey, then you know that the plot is kind of whack. Let me set the scene for you—a columnist sets out to catch and then scare off a guy in the span of ten days, and her strategies fall nothing short of odd, to say the least. Therefore, I have taken it upon myself to lay out for you the real ways that you can send him packing.
Day 1: Draw him in
This is the one thing that I agree with in the film, you can't get rid of him if you haven't gotten him yet, right? You can accomplish this in a variety of ways, whatever fits your style. This is the easy part, trust me.
Day 2: Ghost him a little bit
This is where the dirty work really starts. Every advice column under the sun tells girls to not be too clingy to keep a guy, but I have to disagree. It will definitely hurt his precious ego that every minute of your day is not spent thinking about him.
Day 3: Make him share his location
This will at least make him take a step back, it's day three and you need to know where he is at all times? Guys don't like to be ignored, but they also hate too much attention. They also don't know how to make up their minds.
Day 4: Refuse to share your location with him
Guys love double standards until they're caught on the wrong end of one. It will teach him a lesson, for sure.
Day 5: Suddenly share all of the same interests
Genuine common interests are great, but that's only because they're genuine. If you pretend to be someone you're not, he'll see right through it. And he won't be impressed.
Day 6: Stop showering
Save a little dough on shampoo, and advance your diabolical plan in the process.
Day 7: Refuse to hang out with his friends
A guy's friends are like an extension of himself. Saying you hate them is like saying you hate a little part of him, too.
Day 8: Take him shopping
A day at the mall with your guy will be a true test of his strength. Stop in as many Victoria's Secret's, Bath and Body Work's and Sephora's that you can find. And make sure there is absolutely no bench for him to sit on and wait.
Day 9: Spoil the ending
Any movie or TV show that he hasn't finished will do. This could very well be the last straw, you're doing good.
Day 10: Have a karaoke battle to "You're So Vain" and break up at a fancy gala
O.K. this is straight from the movie, but you can just change the ending by actually leaving him in the dust.
