So I took a short story writing class a couple years ago, and I was looking back at my short story that I wrote. I thought it would be cool to post a bit of it, unedited, just to see the reaction...
"And then just like that I’m up. I don’t know what time it is, all I know is that it’s pitch black and I’m sweating bullets, wishing I could just get that smell out of my mind. Whiskey and vanilla and lavender candles that she clearly drunkenly asked me to get for her still tainting the air around the tub. I had nodded and looked out the window at the snow flurries, and in a Xanaz-ed stupor, I ran out on the balcony in my boxers to feel the precipitation on my skin and catch it on my tongue. I must have been gone like a total of five minutes.. no, was it half an hour? I can’t remember, but the snow had been so mesmerizing to me. I couldn’t feel my feet when I came back in. It was definitely longer than what I remember but I didn’t expect to find what I did when I came back in to take a piss.
The dim lights reflected off of every surface in a way that was spooky. Like a horrific Halloween acid trip. I squinted and shook my head trying to think happy thoughts so I didn’t have to think about the vampires and boogie men and ghouls that were sure to pop out of the the mirrors surrounding me. I had slipped on the floor because my feet were wet from the balcony floor. After gaining my balance I followed the black tiles in the middle of the mosaic floor to the marble, brass footed bathtub agains the far wall. Various candles were on the window sill and around the tub, like some weird seance. Some were melted almost to the end of the wick, while the larger ones’ flames remained bright and flickering and it was like some Hocus Pocus shit in there. I half expected Sarah Jessica Parker to jump out from behind something and turn me into one of her potions. And that’s when I actually took notice of the contents of the tub.
The pieces start to fall back into place. Where am I? I look around and still can’t make out the shape of the walls or anything to give me a clue as to where I was. If I was in the bathroom would the candles still be burning? Shit. Was that a dream? How the fuck did I get here? Fuck. I continue cursing myself as I get up and feel around for a door or a light switch. I finally remember that all of the lights in Violet’s house can be turned on by clapping your hands, if I’m still there. I’m going through an internal battle right now, weighing the pros and cons of being bathed in light. I could possibly get killed by whatever is lurking in the room I’m in, or I could be fine… My heart is pounding out of my chest as I hesitantly clap my hands with my eyes shut, for fear of finding something too awful to comprehend.
I open my eyes and find that I’m still in the bathroom, and I’m only like ten feet from the bathtub. I stand there paralyzed, afraid to cross the small distance. When I finally get the courage to, Violet isn’t there, and the bathtub is empty. For a second my mind flashes back to what I saw. Grace was next to her, her pale hair lighting up in a weird way from the candles. How the fuck did I pass out after seeing that? Maybe it’s a dream. I bet Violet’s downstairs or getting breakfast for the two of us. I wouldn’t let Grace get near her or close enough to touch her. That would make more sense. It’s a dream, of course. I look at myself in the mirror and decide that I need a shower, but only after I find Violet.
So I start down the stairs."
