I thought I had officially entered adulthood when I turned 18 and could sign things for myself; then I thought turning 21 really made me an adult because I could drink and purchase alcohol. Damn was I wrong though. Having just recently graduated with my master's degree, received my first "big girl" job, and moved into my first apartment, I have officially become an adult…and I wish time would stop moving now.
Ever since I was a child, I always felt like I was a little more mature than my other friends. When my friends would try and break stupid rules, I didn't want to join in. It just seemed too lame to me. Activities that other middle school children wanted to do were things I wasn't always interested in. I don't know why. I put myself into a bossy role with my younger sisters and would act as another parent to them. I don't know why I did that either. I wanted to be older, I wanted to hang out with my parents when they had friends over instead of hanging out with the kids my age. Something about growing up and being an adult was just to intriguing to me. I was counting the years, the months, the days, the seconds, until I was older.
Now here I am. I'm older. I'm finally an adult. At 23 I live alone buying all of my groceries, paying my rent, electric bills, and Wi-Fi and cable bills. I should be completely satisfied right? Yet for some reason, that is not the case. I want to stop growing up, I want to stop watching the clock, and I want to just live my life. I finally want to just act like a normal 23 year old. I want to go out and have fun, while still making money. I want to sleep for all hours of the day on weekends because I can. This shouldn't be a problem, but it is.
I still feel like all I do is watch the clock. I continue counting the time thinking about getting older, and instead of getting excited, now it makes me feel horrible. My life is based off of the clock and the days, months and years to come. I never just live for now and that is becoming a problem. I'm always doing these "adult" things because I feel like I have to. I feel guilty for sleeping in and taking days to do nothing but binge watch my favorite shows. I work all of the time and don't have a lot of time to see my friends anymore. Watching the clock was really starting to damage me.
Time is so fascinating. It never stops. However, that doesn't mean that we aren't ever allowed to stop. Life isn't just a clock. Yes, time is moving and it seems like it's moving fast. But that is not the way that I should be living my life. I wanted to grow up so fast, that when I finally did, I felt like I missed out a bit on the little things. I am ready to slow down. I'm 23, and I'm going to live life as a 23 year old, and stop begging for the future. The future will come, but now is not the time.
