You may be wondering why I chose to write this article and what exactly a “party major” is. Well firstly, I’m writing this article as a sort of “I give up” when it comes to talking to other people about my major. Yup, you heard me correctly, I’m waving the white flag to all of the narrow-minded people around me that like to act like they know everything about something that has nothing to do with them. You win, this article is my final declaration of how wrong I’ve been about myself this entire time and proof of how right you were all along.

Secondly, I’d like to define what a “party major” exactly is. Before today, I thought I grasped this concept pretty well. A “party major” to my knowledge was a major that is so easy that even a person who partied day and night could still maintain good enough grades to stay in college and continue to party. This means that no real effort is required and no real future after college is needed- just pure fun and no stress.

So after looking at my major and evaluating all of the work I put into homework, quizzes, tests, exams, papers, and all of the parties I DON’T go to, it seemed to my calculations that my major does not = a party major. But since my major isn’t anything mathematical, scientific, or “important” whatsoever, I guess I’m not smart enough to get those kinds of calculations about the things that matter in life, correct after all. So cheers to YOU, the “non-party major,” for putting me in my place, yet again, and this is my final battle cry.

Remember that thing called "high school" that everyone had to go to before entering college? Ah yes, the times where you were forced to take every type of class, even the ones you had no interest in, and you were graded on how well you could memorize information and take tests. It’s not like high school was supposed to be used for anything useful, like I don’t know, trying to decide what you like and what you want to do for the rest of your life. Ah no, that would just be ridiculous! And it’s not like I actually pushed myself at all in high school to get good grades in the classes I didn’t like. Why would I do that? I didn’t even take AP Chemistry, Biology, Literature, Calculus, or European History and get straight A’s in all of them, that would just be too hard for me considering I’m a Communication Studies major and I like to take the easy way out.

I like to read books not because I’m interested in them, but because I have to. I’m not passionate about writing at all, I actually hate it and just enjoy wasting my own time and other people’s time when they read what I write. Why would I want to be successful, happy and absolutely love what I do, when I could major in something more important and what you consider “harder” to live a life full of misery and hatred? Sounds like fun. You’re right, all the people like me just don’t have the ambition to do something hard, so we continue to work jobs to waste our own money and sometimes even our parents’ money when we have to pay off tuition and student loans for a good portion of our lives.

I love my “party major” so much, that’s why I decided to take on another one at the same time. I’m double majoring in Communication Studies and English just so I can have twice the fun and twice the time to party, not because I like to challenge myself and get the most out of my college education. Passion, who needs it? Passion is just another stupid cliche that us millennials shouldn’t use as an important device when trying to plan out the rest of our lives. I think we should all just look at the generations above us- our parents and even our parents’ parents- and fall into miserable 9 to 5 jobs like them in order to achieve some fake happiness.

I totally agree with the statement that English and communication skills aren’t useful at all. It’s not like we use different words, phrases, and expressions in our everyday lives to get our point across to people. It’s not like the authors of your textbooks had to be the list bit coherent or literate to write down things in a way that was easy for you to understand an important concept. It’s not like we have to be able to communicate effectively to important people in a job interview, or in a workplace, or even to gain someone’s respect. Why would we want to be able to understand something intellectual that our professors or higher-ups are saying, when we can just copy it down and memorize it for a test. Ignorance is bliss.

Now this article is not intended to be a jab at any majors other than my own- like I said, it’s my final resignation. I wrote this to take the time to criticize my own majors, something I actually know a little bit about, rather than going out of my way to criticize another person’s major that they might care deeply about. It’s not like I can use what I know and what I’m in the process of learning to do anything effective or significant with my life. It’s not like you clicked on this article and got to this point in it because you actually care about what I have to say. It’s not like I’d rather be measured by my abilities and my success in the future, instead of being thrown into the same category as the people who didn’t take their life or education seriously. And I certainly don’t think my thoughts and ideas have any sort of authority or power over anyone else, even though I have the platform and the voice to write about things like this, and you don’t. I really wrote this article because I have so much free time on my hands. After all, life is easy when your major is a party major.