It’s Hard For Me To Let Go Of The Past Two Decades

Every new year has been an exciting fresh start for me, even when I was 11 and spent the night crying on the staircase because I thought the word was going to end once the ball dropped for 2012. But now we entering the 3rd decade of the 2000's, and I am not quite sure how I feel.

I was born in the year 2000, making me the same age as each passing year. This year, shortly after the turning of 2019 to 2020, I will be turning 20! This means I will not be a kid anymore, not even a teenager. Everyone said my adulthood would start when I turned 18, but this is a whole new level of adulthood to me.

I can no longer blame my moods on being a teen. I am legally grown! This is a hard realization to come to and I have spent the last few months getting that gut wrenching feeling about how I can never go back to high school, middle school or elementary school. Not that anyone wants to, but these years have held so many experiences and are responsible for who I am as a person.

All of the television shows that I grew up watching were made in these years. All of the made up games I played, and the sports that I learned to love, took place at this time. All of my family vacations, the family laughter, but also the family tears and separation were part of these years. The friends that I once held so dearly will remain trapped in this part of my life. The decisions I made from what to dress up as for Halloween each year to which college I would attend. As the year turns, all of it is like a bug that you see at the museum, preserved in a glowing amber stone. A moment frozen in time, that can only be remembered as what it was, but not brought back.

I am thankful for the hard lessons that I have had to learn, all of the relationships that have been permanently broken and even the ones that were repaired. I am thankful for my childhood home in Colorado, ice skating on the lake behind it and running through the neighborhood barefoot with friends. But I am also thankful for the university classes that I took and the friends that I gained and lost due to college parties.

I hope that I can go into this adult decade of my life with knowledge and love for what the past 20 years have taught me, but with an open and accepting mind for the rest of my life. If history repeats itself, maybe these will be the Roaring '20s of my lifetime...I can't wait.

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