I have tried forgiving you and no matter how big my heart is, I still cannot forgive you.

The first months were spent blaming myself. I asked myself: Did I give you the wrong vibe? Was I coming off too flirtatious? What was I dressed like? Was I being reckless?

I know I am not the only one who has experienced this and I know I am not the only one who has blamed myself, but society has corrupted us to think it is our fault to be attacked. But, I realize now that FUCK SOCIETY. I did not deserve what you did to me.

I spent the last two decades of my life taking care of and grooming my temple. My mother harbored me inside of her for nine or ten months to keep me safe and when she birthed me, she never would have imagined this would happen to me. I built this temple, I built my body. It is all I have that is really mine and it seems like in a matter of a few, short minutes, you destroyed all of it.

I scrubbed myself clean, taking many showers and many baths to get the filth and scent and fingerprints of you off of me, but I know it is not that simple. I cannot bathe and shower my mind that is filled and haunted with memories and flashbacks from the time you took all of me without my permission.

I remember learning in school about how you should always tell someone if you are touched in your "private parts" but once it happens to you, you feel alone. The whole world becomes a lie as you wonder who else would do this to someone?

I remember thinking this will never ever happen to me. And here I am, writing this letter to you, because you made me vulnerable than I already was. Maybe I was too trusting or maybe I trust the wrong people, but no matter what I tell myself, I know nothing justifies what you did to me and nothing will erase it.

I have spent many nights without sleep, terrified. I have spent many days only sleeping so I do not have to face the reality you have put me in and I do not have to face the world; as if they will see it on my face.

This is my story and this is my journey and I wish you had never come into it and corrupted it. But, you should know that you tried to destroy me. You thought you had me. You thought you were going to ruin my life, and in some ways, you did.

There is an innocence and there is a piece of myself that you took and I will never get it back. Even if I did see you suffer, I do not think it would change how I feel and I will still be as broken as you have made me now. But, I am healing. I need you to know that I will do great things without you and that it was not my fault.

I need you to know that I will never forgive you, I will never be okay with what happened. But, I do want you to know that you were a stepping stone in my life and I will find a way to recover for myself and my future.