where can I find words that will tell you that
daffodils in the yard are wet hair and clean outfits
pictures before services
picture that
maybe the words are in between
our fingers as we braid the strings on our tallit
or on the tip of the tongues of the couple
that whisper with megaphones
you will find some of the words tucked into
small folded notes the size of my nine
year old hand
the size of my thirteen year old hand
the size of my nineteen
twenty year old hand
as I unwrap them to find your love written against
a white background waiting for me to find it
to absorb it
into my chest and through my eyes
find the words in my eyes
and your eyes
and your eyes
in our eyes
they are the same
in the black and white photo that hangs on the stairs
we are still those people
those people made us
who we are today
where can I find the words to tell you
what will always smell like home
was made so long ago
I didn't know scents would make me cry
until the art building at school
smelled like sawdust
and the pavement in the morning
smelled like rain
when Challah filled the Eliot House
if I could pick the smells
that were home to me
I would pick those three
again and again and again
pick me again and again and again
when you look up into the stars
I'll chose you
silhouetted against the constellations
paper lanterns in hand
as we watch moments we can't hold
slip away from us up towards the moon
I want to find the words to say
I hold you in everything that I do
the way I speak to people
comes from mornings in between you snuggled in bed
it comes from jump rope times tables and pencils practicing perfect print
and it comes from hands pressed against earmuffs
leaving round imprints on the sides of my face
for the moments when I could not hear you at all
were the ones when I learned the most
silences in folding chairs in the Fil-Am Hall
the floorboards smiled at me and told me
no matter where I go
or who I choose to be
I will forever and always have people
who will hold me and treat me as their own
people who will know what kugel is and how the Debbie Friedman version goes
silences in the downstairs of the Kitsap Regional Library
pressed between couch cushions and characters
the pages winked at me and reminded me
books are the best cure for loneliness
and it's okay to get lost
if you smell the pages
it will be easier to find your way out
when you're in a bookstore you don't recognize
books are a good place to find the words to say
the way I walk through the world
comes from sticky seatbelts in the back of a white Volkswagen
and the popped top
it comes from New Brooklyn hills on bike and the grass at BPA
was always a little bit wet
early morning on Saturdays
when the concrete pad came alive
with people who greeted us as if we were something special
because you held our hands
I want to find the words to tell you
because of game night
and late night
cookies
I know it's okay to read the directions or the recipe
nobody is born already knowing them
let other players pick what color they want to be first
except every once in awhile you should pick first
it's okay to go first
and it's okay to go to bed
first
and not feel bad because it's important
sometimes to get what you want
and need
thank you for needing us
into your bread and
your palms as you held us
a few inches from the freshly turned dirt
teaching us
different seeds have different depths to plant them at
it's okay if they don't come up right away
water them and wait
read to them if you'd like
because we've tried it and we know
sometimes that helps
and please
when august comes
remind me
no two summer squash are the same
the stems are spikey
so you should bring a kitchen towel with you to wrap them in or
just be careful
because sometimes things hurt you on accident
it's important that you try to forgive them
in order to forget
don't forget
to turn the burner off when you're done
and always make a little extra
because leftovers are almost as good as fresh ingredients
I want to find the words to say
thank you
to say thank you endlessly
for your never ending warmth and wisdom
your unwavering confidence in us
your unparalleled and immense love
and most importantly
through imperfections and impulses
impatience, improv, and improvements,
thank you for making sure that we are part of the few
who know how to
sew a button.
