If one just met me, or doesn’t know me that well, you would never know, being a math major, that I used to love art; drawing and sketching and painting, and that I used to want to make music; singing and dancing and acting. You would never know I used to want to be a singer, I even auditioned for American Idol going into my senior year (at that point it was just to relive my old dreams)...

To my artistic self (old interests),

You were so full of ideas, paintings, songs, scripts you wrote with friends. Remember when you used to write songs and tell everyone that one day you’ll have a recording contract? Remember when you used to write scripts with Lauren in elementary school? Me too. Remember the countless art lessons, and piano lessons and flute lessons and vocal lessons? Remember when all you wanted was the solo in freshman chorus?

Sophomore year, that’s when you really lost it, lost your love for art and music. I don’t really know what happened - it just kind of faded. It went from voice and art lessons every Wednesday and wanting the solo to it being fine if chorus didn’t fit in your schedule, or you didn’t have time to make it to the art or voice lesson. From musical auditions and art shows to gymnastics practice and basketball managing. It’s sad how you just lost it, without any sign, the passion just faded.

Remember when you would make singing videos for Facebook? Looking back at it, it’s kind of embarrassing, but you were in sixth grade,so it was comical.

You had pages and pages of partial songs you wrote sitting in the polka dot box in your closet. The day you threw them all out junior year is upsetting, I wish you kept them. I wished for the longest time it didn’t fade.

I wished for the longest time I would want to do the school musicals again, and that I’d want to join chorus again or audition for some singing show. I wished for the longest time I would get back to writing stupid songs and drawing in a notepad just because I saw a something cool. And I really thought going to California for the architecture program would bring the passion back, but it just pushed me further away. And that on August 2, 2015 I would regain the motivation to want to sing for stupid reasons when I got the chance to audition for American Idol. But I think that was just me awakening an old dream for a day because it was something to experience.

I lost the want to paint a picture, I lost the want to sing all the time, I lost the want to be an architect. FI wished for the longest time the love never faded, but it did and now it’s just a hobby and an old interest.

Love Always,

The now - math major