Dear You,
To be quite frank with you, it's taken me a long time to realize and understand that I am at no fault for what went wrong in our "relationship." I'd hardly call it that, though.
I'm not afraid to call you out anymore, so here it is.
You were selfish. So incredibly selfish. Any argument that came up, you made it seem as if it was my fault. I wish I could tell you how many times I sat in my room and cried wondering why I wasn't good enough for you to fight for me, for us. It had nothing to do with us being together — you were just a horrible friend and an even worse boyfriend.
I'll never forget the time I had to put my dog down. The dog that had been in my family for over twelve years, and you called me selfish for worrying and crying over my dog because you had been in a minor car accident the same day. As if I was supposed to know that because you had ghosted me the week prior for calling you out on trying to hook up with the girl who "just wanted a label" even though you "didn't care about her"... Strange how she was the one you got in a car accident with, huh? But that's none of my business...
Or maybe how you'd still write about how you wonder if it could've worked out between us almost a year after breaking up, even though you knew I was happy without you. Or writing songs about our "love," or at least, the love you thought we had.
It was really just lust, and I see that now. I just wanted to help you and change you. I get that now.
The list really could go on and on about all the ways you treated me poorly, like accusing me of cheating on you with your best friend (who I am STILL friends with to this day, unlike you) or you trying to turn me against my friends because they didn't like you while you were flirting and hooking up with my other "friend." Kind of weird how that all works, but I'd rather talk about all the positives that came out of this.
In the time since we broke up, it took me a very long time to get back to a place where I was trusting and felt I was worthy of being loved. But luckily I did. I took the time to deeply reflect on who I was and who I wanted to be. I was sick and tired of letting my past control me and how I felt about myself.
I wasn't the toxic one, you were.
Now I'm happily engaged to the man of my dreams. He helped pick up the pieces you left behind, and I could never thank him enough. He shows me unconditional love every single day without fail and doesn't threaten to leave me. We have both been hurt before, but now we are stronger than ever. He's shown me what a healthy relationship really is and how love can truly heal our deepest wounds. I can't wait to start my life with him and see where it goes.
So, thank you. Thank you for hurting me so I could fall into the arms of the man who helped heal me. I wouldn't know true love if I didn't know what it was NOT.
Thank you for showing me exactly what I don't want.
Sincerely,
Me
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