I would like to start off by saying thank you. Thank you for being my first real heartbreak. You taught me how to be strong when I thought my whole world was crashing down. When we first met, we were in first grade. I started to have a crush on you when we hit third grade. You were always there for me whenever I needed you. When we hit middle school and high school, we watched each other go through so many break ups. You always told me that I deserved better than the guys I would date. In my mind I would say to myself that I needed you.
Finally, after hanging out all summer, and I dropped as many hints as I could, to tell you that I wanted to be with you. I didn’t want to come right out and say it, fearing that it would mess up our friendship. You must have caught on to my hints or you took a leap of faith, but on that one day you leaned in and kissed me. I instantly began to feel my heart pound. I felt my head begin to spin wondering if this was actually happening. At that moment, I didn’t know where I was, I didn’t care if people were watching. I felt like we were up in the clouds, with no one around to bother us. I felt like my world was suddenly complete.
I was so happy that we were finally together that I didn’t see any of the warnings. After our first date when got in a small accident, how you told me that you didn’t want to tell your family about me yet. I was so happy that I was putty in your hands, and you took advantage of that. I didn’t care where we were or what was going on, I was happy to be with you.
You soon started to stop sticking up for me. I figured it was because you thought that I was tough enough to stick up for myself. Than your mom called me a whore, and you walked away laughing. When your whole family looked at me like I was an alien, because they like your ex girlfriend better. I needed you to be there but you said to ignore them. I did my best and keep reminding myself that I had you.
When school started in the fall, I felt like our relationship was stronger than ever. I would always wake up to a good morning text from you, and you pick me up and bring me to school. I remember talking to my friends and having them tell me that they thought we were the cutest couple. You would visit me at work and make my day so much better. It got to the point whenever I saw you my heart would start pounding with excitement. I would think of you before I fell asleep at night and after I woke up in the morning. You were the only thing on my mind. I thought we would be together forever.
Suddenly my little perfect world was beginning to fall apart. The good morning messages began to stop. You began to pull away from me. You told me you had a lot on your mind, and that you would be back to normal soon. I felt better thinking it was the stress of school was getting to you. I told myself that everything was going to be okay.
After two weeks of hardly seeing you I finally got to spend time with you. I felt like life was beginning to pick up again, but later that night you seemed off. I asked you if everything was okay and you told me you were tired, and that you couldn’t pick me up for school the following day. I said okay and shut off my phone. I felt like something was wrong but I shook it off and went to bed.
The following day at school you took my hand and gave me a kiss. I figured everything was back to normal, but I thought too quickly. You sat me down and told me that you didn’t want to date me anymore, that I had changed too much. I was crushed. I felt my heart begin to throb. I couldn’t even look at you. You walk away and I broke down.
For the next two weeks I blamed myself for our break up. My friends wanted me to get over you, and took me to the homecoming dance. I ran into one of your friends there who told me he heard about our break up and that he was sorry to hear that. I told him that it had been a rough two weeks. He gave me a strange look and said he thought we broke up months ago. I asked him why he thought that, he told me it was because you had been back with your ex girlfriend for the past six weeks. And suddenly everything made sense. The way you had been pulling away from me, the strange look on your face when she would message you.
To this day, I still don’t know why you wanted me to blame myself when you were the one who destroyed our relationship. Even though I realized you cheated on me it still didn’t make me feel any better. I still felt heartbroken, but I knew that I would get past this. I know that I was stronger. You showed me that before we started dating. Whenever I start to think of all of the great times we had and begin to get sad, I hear your voice telling me I deserve better than the guys that I date, and I reply, you're right.
