I try to avoid the use of God and Spirit when talking about all the lessons I’m learning and all the growing I’ve done, but in an act to accept my own voice and the love I’ve got for the one writing it all, I want to talk a little bit about my relationship with God. After opening up about my faith in my first few pieces, my ongoing struggle to accept faith pulled me off track. But despite it all, days continue to come, life continues to bless me, and my forgiveness is imminent in the world around me. So, to pay this relationship the respect and honor it deserves, here we go:

The higher grace and I have had a complicated relationship. Some of this has to do with the fact that this relationship isn't always something I am open about, something I pay thanks to. It's a concept the people in my life aren't always open to discussing, and I continue to chase relationships that guide me away from love. I hear unfaithful outlooks and question my own; I make poor choices and point to there being no plan rather than at my own self-created consequences.

But a lot of this also has to do with pride on my behalf, thinking that when things are going well it's okay to drop the ball and define for myself what is good and bad (something my heart already knows). Lately, I feel like I’ve wandered further than before, and God has placed me in a position to see which ways I’m straying and acting out against the good in me.

I tend to think I can write this story that is my life alone, that I’m doing just fine on my path and definitely don’t need an editor. This is typically the point where I stop listening to God, my heart, and the ones who care for me most. I start listening to my own wants and own plan, where I can do as I please and act as mindlessly as I care to without a repercussion in my life. I can devote my time to people who don’t have my best interest, and define my power on my human terms rather than a strength so much greater than me.

So I go along this path for a while, thinking the scenery looks different and funny feelings seem to talk more than whisper, and oh gosh, I’m back in the dark. But that’s my own fault; I turned off the light. God, however, forgives. That’s the blessing I believe I and all his creation are lucky enough to have guiding us. Because in a moment of realizing my choices have added up and I need a helping hand, I’m blessed with just that, in the form of extra strength to do the right thing and put myself back on track.

I called my faith the light, and I mean that. He lights up a dark situation with perspective, hope, and love. No matter what I go through, I’m constantly learning that my life is nothing without a relationship with God where I give the weight of the world to Him and focus on representing His son’s love in every single thing I do. God will help us and give us what we need to fall in love with the experiences we are blessed enough to have, and the comfort of knowing our story is being written by the one who knows us best.

My life is revolving around the lesson of following what I know to be right through God, and letting the fogged views from the world around me fall away. To stay close to where I feel God’s presence (whether it be in people, places, or the intuition that something may be wonderful). So this is a thank you to the one who loves unconditionally (or to whomever or whatever brings you to your own light).

I’m lucky to be living in a love that doesn’t fail, even when my acceptance of it does. Here’s to faith in our story being crafted by the one who wrote it all, and living by our heart’s message.