At 18, I find myself in this strange in-between. Legally, and by most standards, I am an adult, but I’ve only got about a fraction of the responsibilities most adults have on a daily basis. I don’t imagine that for me this is a feeling that will just disappear any time soon.
For purposes of this article, let’s just agree that I am much more grown up than I was almost five years ago when I started high school. Be that worthy of an adult status or not, I know that it is absolutely true to me.
I still don’t have everything figured out, and I still remain clueless with (a lot) of things in my life, but I think I’ve done enough growing to realize something painstakingly accurate about growing up: you can’t predict the future.
At eighteen, I have come to the disappointing conclusion that there is absolutely nothing I can do to determine the future of Kayla Quinn. I have tried--believe me, I have tried--and yet, my efforts are nothing short of useless.
My mom has a few favorite phrases, one of which she has been using more frequently: you never know what life will give you.
I honestly feel like this is information I have known for a while, but for some reason it was always too difficult for me to accept. I like to have things set in stone, planned out to the exact, and yet I understand that this is not how life works.
The person I was four years ago would not even have the imagination to dream of where my life currently is. Perhaps, yes, I assumed I would be studying in some kind of English field at college, but there are so many small and important details excluded. I can only assume the same fate is in store for me four years from this point.
This revelation I’ve had about growing up should make me miserable. Kayla should feel hopeless, and even out of control.
But I don’t.
I feel like I’m finally at a point in my life where I am just so appreciative to have what I have. I understand that it’s not the best, nor is it the worst, and I’ve accepted that there is absolutely nothing I can do to predict the future, and honestly, that’s okay. Where I am right now is okay, and right now, okay is the best I have ever been.
