I’m Not Leaving My Single Self Behind Because I’m In A Relationship
Relationships

I’m Not Leaving My Single Self Behind Because I’m In A Relationship

"In a relationship, how much of your single self should you be willing to leave behind?"

129
Nicholas Green

Relationships. We always see the good side of them. Having someone to share your time and bed with, the beginning of what could potentially be forever, and excitement. Yet, do we ever really talk about the elephant in the room? The death of your single self.

I’m not saying that you have to completely lose yourself when getting into a relationship, but things do change. Take your morning routine for example. You either have someone waking up next to you or someone who you are going to have to text good morning. Even for the most laid back couple, ‘I’ tends to become ‘we’ (even when it is unintentional). In a relationship, how much of your single self should you be willing to leave behind?

It seems like an underlying question. Personally, myself in a relationship and me out of one is not the same person. In all honesty, my single self seems to be more relaxed. She can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. She is alone most of the time reading a good book or sitting at a coffee shop typing up an article. The best part? She is totally okay with that. My single girl self has no one to answer to but herself and loves it.

But myself in a relationship?

The girl I am in a relationship is different. She understands that there is now another person who she needs to consider. Someone who is going to want to spend time with her and know everything about her. It is not that the single girl does not like this side, she just is not used to it or an expert on relationships. The solution you might ask? Finding a balance.

No one needs to be with his or her significant other every day, let alone all the time. Having space and each other’s own friends is very healthy for a relationship. I have found personally that distance truly makes the heart grow fonder, and having different hobbies and dreams is a plus rather than a negative.

The idea of a relationship is two people getting to know each other, not BECOMING each other. You do not need to like the same things, constantly be around the same people, etc. It is not healthy. The saying: “dating to marry” is great, but do not forget that you are still dating and not married.

I think that is the main issue with today’s relationships. Girls are so consumed by the idea of getting married. It seems like everywhere I look on Instagram and Facebook someone is getting engaged every day. However, for those of us who are not at that stage in our life, it seems like we need to catch up.

The best thing to do? Act like a married couple.

Except it is not. Your boyfriend is not your husband. There is the likelihood that that may happen in the future, but right now he is your boyfriend. Just your boyfriend, and in the best cases your best friend. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself and him. The best way for a dating relationship to last is to date the guy, not force yourself to act as if you are married to him.

With all this in mind, it makes me think back to my single self. Why do I have to leave the independent woman I am behind? I can still go out with my girlfriends, do my own thing, and be in a relationship. A relationship is one part of you, it should not BECOME the identity of who you are. The right guy will not only understand that but appreciate this side of you.

So be true to yourself. You can love and still love who you are. Do not let every part of your single self-slip away. She is fun and deserves to be let out from time to time.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

While parts of the U.S. are beginning to re-open after months in quarantine, the future of date nights at home is still bright — because, let's face it, wearing masks to a fancy restaurant with your boo in the coming months just doesn't sound fun.

So, if you're looking to have a little romantic fun indoors, we've got just the games for you. Click through the slideshow below for 11 couples games that'll help you two become closer than ever.

Keep Reading... Show less

I've always been interested in any product that can get me the Jennifer Lopez-esque natural glow. I'm Indian and have medium-toned skin, so getting darker was never really the goal. Rather, I've always looked for a product that would even out my skin tone and cellulite, basically making my legs look Photoshopped.

Now more than ever we're craving that healthy, tan glow most of us only get after spending a week poolside with margarita in hand. We may not be spending an SPF-soaked summer hitting on our local lifeguards. But when we're going on socially-distanced walks outside, taking viral-worthy selfies, or just want to test out the best self-tanners for when you do finally get to show off all the bikinis you binge-purchased through your quarantine boredom, these are the best to ways to glow up, no matter your shade of skin, whether you have uber-sensitive eczema-ridden skin, or just want J-Lo glow, smooth legs.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Quarantine Checkup Week 10: It's Officially Summer, Even In Quarantine

An Odyssey panel discussion about all things quarantine.

Thanks to coronavirus (COVID-19), most of the United States has gone into its own version of quarantine. While no one loves this new way of life we're adjusting to, it's the necessity that will eventually help us fling open our front doors and frolic freely once again!

Premature thinking? Maybe. But while we're in the midst of this quarantine time, we're chatting about the most terrifying, the funniest, and the weirdest thing that quarantine has forced us into recently.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

13 Father's Day Shirts Under $30 To Gift The Dad Wearing The Same Two Every Day In Quarantine

You've been begging him to change it up, and now he won't have a choice.

Let's be honest: most of our dads are wearing the same shirts today that they probably wore while changing our diapers and holding our hands as we learned to walk. Sure, we love them for it. But whether you're quarantined with him wearing the same two shirts on rotation every week, or every time you FaceTime him, you know what he'll be wearing before he answers the phone, he needs to add some new items to his wardrobe rotation.

And you know dads — they'll feel guilted into using practically anything you were to give them. But these shirts are sure-fire ways to get him to switch up his wardrobe, and he'll be more than excited to wear each and every one of them. Plus, most of them are under twenty dollars, so no harm in dropping more than a couple in to your cart and letting Dad have his pick of his favorites.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Sat Down (Virtually) With Hollis Tuttle To Talk About Coronavirus's Impact On The Wellness Industry

Just because coronavirus has greatly impacted the wellness industry doesn't mean wellness stops.

If you're anything like me, your weekly fitness classes are a huge part of your routine. They keep me fit, healthy, and sane. Honestly, these classes help my mental health stay in tip-top shape just as much as they help my physical health.

Due to the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, gyms and fitness studios are facing temporary closure. Yes, this means my personal routine is thrown a curveball, but this also means the wellness industry is one of many that is looking at unemployment and hardship. Do I miss my Monday spin class? Of course. But do the wellness professionals whose worlds were flipped upside down have a lot more to overcome than a slight change of routine? Absolutely. Thankfully, if anyone can prove the ultimate flexibility, it's the wellness industry.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

My Boyfriend Has Changed Since Quarantine Began, And I Don't Know What To Do

"All he says is 'I love you,' which is great and all but OMG I can't get anything else out of him."

Each week Swoonie B will give her advice on anonymous topics submitted by readers. Want to Ask Swoonie B something related to dating and relationships? Fill out this form here — it's anonymous.

Dear Swoonie B,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, which has been the best year of my life (as far as i know). Well we go to different schools and are both very involved in sports and school activities which makes it hard to see each other. During this quarantine it is especially hard. Since we haven't seen each other in over a week things are kind of tense. He won't really talk to me much and I always check in on him to make sure he is doing well and to just see how he is, ya know being a girlfriend. Well apparently that is driving him crazy and I don't understand how. I'm not being controling or clingy, i'm just checking in on him. While this is happening, I also have noticed how he just doesn't really care anymore. I'll leave him paragraphs of sweet love letters to wake up to and I encourage him throughout his day but I just don't get it in return. I love him with all of me and I obviously care about him a lot. Also, I've compared how he talked to me before all of this has happened. He was so sweet and caring, texting me a lot and telling me he loves me and just making sure everything is OK but he doesn't do that anymore. All he says is "I love you," which is great and all but OMG I can't get anything else out of him. He is a little stressed at home with trying to find another job to pay for his car, constantly having to do things for his mom, being responsible for his siblings, and managing school. I know thats a lot but im doing a lot too right now and going through a lot of the same stuff he is but It seems to me he just does not care and i don't know what to do. Please help me or give me some advice on what to say, what not to say, what to do, what not to do. Anything at this point will help. Thank you!

If I had a dollar for every time I heard "these are unprecedented times," I'd be rich. But that's because it's true!

Keep Reading... Show less
Tower 28

On paper, Amy Liu appears to be one of the most intimidating women in the beauty business. Not only did she launch her beauty marketing career at legendary Smashbox Cosmetics, she went on to lead luxury, high-end brands like Kate Somerville and Josie Maran — just to name a few.

But sitting down to meet Liu for the first time in an underground New York bar over a year ago felt like meeting a friend I'd known since childhood. As she walked into the bar in a chic red dress, it was impossible not to feel her immediate warm presence. When she talks about her history as an entrepreneur (and truly, at heart, she always was one), you don't get the sense that she's selling you anything, though with her impeccable taste, I'd use anything that had her glowing review attached to it.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments