There’s always a seed before there’s a rose. The more that it rains, the more I will grow.

That is one of my favorite lines from “Roots Before Branches," a song I consistently belt out in the car anytime I feel a breakdown coming on . Although originally recorded by RoomforTwo, the first time I ever heard this song was in a cover rendition performed by Lea Michele on the popular TV show Glee. Truthfully, the song never had much meaning to me; it was just another catchy tune to listen to. However, one day this summer, it seemed to apply to my circumstances, and suddenly it all made sense. As I listened to each lyric that took the words right out of my mouth, I couldn't help but sit alone in my car and cry. Letting everything out just reminded me that the hurt wasn't for nothing: it was making me stronger. I was growing.

This summer was much different than any other summer I’ve ever been through before. It was a time of healing, growing, maturing, and learning. It was a time of adjustment and confusion, anger and grief. But ultimately, it was a time of me, myself, and I. It was a time of being alone, stripped bare of everything I thought I was and where I thought my life was heading. I spent a whole summer on my own this year. It was different for me, something that I realized I hadn't done in ages and something that felt so uncomfortable. Of course I had been alone before, but adjusting back to where I had started from just seemed like one of the toughest things to go through. The ominous question of whether I would truly ever be able to endure being abandoned always lingered on my mind. How am I going to be able to get through this? When will this loneliness end? Who is going to save me?

I know I'm meant for something else, but first I gotta find myself but I don't know how.

Well, the answer is that I saved me. All by myself. Me.

Had you told me a few months ago that I would be as happy alone as I am today I wouldn't believe you. Had you told me that I wrestled myself out of a hole of self-pity and darkness all on my own, I would laugh. Because that wasn't me, and it certainly wasn't who I thought I was. As a highly emotional person, I always felt as if I needed someone else to fix everything for me, someone to take the pain away. As human beings, it is only natural for us to look to someone else to fill the lonely void in our hearts. Humans long for interaction, and I know those emotions search for someone else to latch onto. Someone who will understand, someone who will care, someone who will just be there and listen. Above all, what I learned this summer is when that singular person who your emotions rely on is stripped away and leaves you behind, all that is left is yourself. That's it.

The person I would normally turn to in such a situation was gone. And the excruciating thought and stabbing realization that there was nothing I could do to fix the mess consistently remained. So the real question remained: Who am I, and who do I want to be, now that it is just me?

Gotta have roots before branches, to know who I am before I know who I'm gonna be.

First off, I wanted, and learned, how to be self-sufficient. I learned that I want someone to notice me because I'm independent and strong, not because I have to depend on someone else for my own sake. I want to be noticed for my chin held high, my confidence, and the fact that I can be completely happy on my own without anyone else. Therefore, I learned that relying on someone else for your own happiness is a complete mistake. Leaning on someone too much will only leave you broken and disappointed because often the people you trust most in life will just end up just leaving or hurting you anyway. I experienced that the hard way. The fact of the matter is, if you lean on someone else, you expect perfection, when in actuality, we're all human, and none of us are anything near perfect. We weren't made to hold the weight of someone else's burdens; we were made to work in collaboration with one another.

Oh why, do I reach for the stars when I don't have wings to carry me that far?

Learning to be independent also required maturing and growing. Going into college, I didn't think I needed to mature any more. I didn't understand how I could. Here I am, already a responsible adult, who has forged her own path to get here. What more was there to do? Wow, was I naive. Through the maturing process of being alone, I've been forced to learn how to handle situations on my own, without the help of someone else. Moreover, I've learned that getting past my pain and learning how to deal with it is something I've needed to do in order to mature. If I want to be a capable, mature girl one day, how will I ever do that while trying to lean on someone else for my pain? I need to know how to problem solve on my own.

Finally, the hardest thing I've had to learn is a firm love for myself. As a highly insecure person I've always looked to another person to make me feel worthwhile. However, on my own, I've learned to love the parts of me that I used to rely on someone else for, and that is all the joy I need in the world. I desire to be happy with who I am and the life I'm making for myself. I love the fact that I am consistently growing from my mistakes and learning how to forgive myself for the past. I'm not perfect by any means (trust me, that's something I realized a long time ago), but on my own I've come to realize that I'm important, I do matter, and I 100% deserve someone special who will treat me accordingly some day.

The wind can come and do it's best. Blow me north, south, east, and west. But I'll still be standing.

Truth is, I still get lonely on my own from time to time. Who doesn't? I'll always have my moments, but how can those moments defeat me when I am an independent, mature woman who has an immense love for who she is. How can those moments defeat me when the friends I've made on my own are standing by me? The breakdowns and heartbreaking moments will come to test me. That's guaranteed. But it's how I choose to present myself and recover from these things that will determine if I'm truly equipped to be on my own. Do I have the strength to move past it on my own? Yes. Am I capable? Absolutely. Will I be sad, angered, frustrated, and exhausted? Of course. But "the more that it's rains, the more I will grow," and those moments have and will always determine who I am and who I want to be.

I'm so proud of how far I've come as a person and just how much I've truly learned to love myself on my own. It's a rewarding feeling at the end of the day to be content in your own skin because of the work you've put in to making yourself stronger.

I love myself. I'm proud of myself. I am happy by myself.

And that's all I need in life.

And faith to take chances, to live like I see a place in this world for me.