Since a young age, I have always struggled with my weight. When I was 13, my mom had gastric bypass surgery. The surgery not only changed her and how she looked, but it changed how I started to feel about my weight. We used to fight all the time because I had always been smaller than her.
When I was 15, I was a size 14 and my mom was a size 8. I started to hate myself and for some time, I started to hate my mom. I thought she was doing it to look younger and relive her glory days through me. It wasn't until this past fall when she passed from heart disease did I learn how truly sick she was. My mom was on 12 to 15 medicines a day and doctors told her if she didn’t lose the weight, she wouldn’t live to 40. She lived to be 46 as one of the strongest women I know.
My mom was the only one to let me know your size and the number on the scale doesn't matter. It’s just a number. As long as you love yourself on the inside, you won’t care what people have to say about your outsides. She was really smart, my mom, and I didn’t give her enough credit. I was jealous of how she looked and that wasn’t fair to anyone. Especially her.
These words are kind of what I live by now. I love my insides and I treat myself as the queen that I am. I don’t need a man or woman to tell me, “Wow you’re hot." Cause guess what? I already know that I am. I may not be the skinniest of all people, but I love my curves and my boney butt along with my stretch marks. They show that I have character.
If you read this and know me, you are aware I love myself. Sure I have my bad days, but I always hear my mom's voice saying, “Slay them like the queen you are,” or I think of the time I took her to Sephora for the first time and she went “Holy crap, you wear this on your face every day?” I wasn’t doing it for anyone but myself, however. I was matching my outsides to the beauty I felt on the inside.
As a plus size teen, my clothing options are limited, but you know if it fits and I feel like I can conquer the word in that outfit, you can be sure I’ll be buying it! I went prom dress shopping once a few months back and I went to this store. They looked at me and said, “We don’t sell your size; try the Internet,” and walked away. So I left, and to be honest, that’s when the tears fell. They didn’t even measure to determine my size. I came home and called my cousin, who is my best friend, and the following weekend her and my aunt spent all day with me till I felt like a princess in my dress.
We went to this shop in Owings Mills and they were so sweet. I explained what happened and they were stunned. That day I tried on sixteen dresses and bought the first one I put on because my aunt was crying and my cousin looked like she was meeting her husband. So I said why not! Prom is Saturday, May 20th and I’m going to look like a princess.
So my point of this article is to tell my readers that, you are beautiful! It doesn’t matter if you're size 00 to a 24! You are beautiful and you shouldn’t care what anyone says. I may not know any of you personally, but I know you all are beautiful inside and out.
