Learned Behavior- A Poem

Learned Behavior- A Poem

Inspired by "To This Day" by Shane Koyczan.
11
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If you’ve ever had trouble understanding something,
You probably wound up asking someone to explain it to you.
Unless you’re like me and have the attention span of half a peanut,
You’d listen;
Not because you were forced to,
But because you asked.
I’m not sure if there’s such a thing as “consenting to listen,”
But after 20 years of encountering people
Who would rather walk on hot coals
Than shut their mouths for a fraction of a second,
I think we need to put that rule into play.









But what if someone tells you to listen
When you know it’s the wrong thing to do?
What would you do then?
Go along at first, ignoring the voice in your head
For just a minute while you wait for the person spewing inconsistency
To move on to his next victim.
Just listen, he’d say.
And you would.






Eventually, he found her,
Trapped her;
The first chapter of her life wasn’t hard to decipher
And he’d written it himself.
Plain and simple.
Once upon some dusty old attic,
He’d thrown her inside for what crime, she didn’t know.
She watched life pass her by,
And with each and every sigh she realized
That her punishment was not the isolation,
But the time it gave her to think.
And think she did
About the years she would spend hidden away
Like something he could save for a rainy day,
But only once the world had averted its eyes.













He loved her, she told herself,
It was for her own good.
But once the skies turned dark,
She thought once again.
The moon gave her peace
As he gave her the only company she’d ever had,
But those thoughts only gave her
The bald spot on her head
Where gray hairs grew.
At twelve, should a little girl
Really look like a haggard old lady?
So she clutched at the fibers and pulled,
Because the control felt better than the knowing
That the world would see her fear
Growing atop her head.













Each whitened hair was a cry for help
That they all felt compelled to ignore.
And as the anxiety bore into her skull,
She knew deep down that there was something more.
She can feel it in every pore,
See it in his eyes when he told her,
“Stop being ungrateful.”
These were the cards dealt,
But that didn’t mean the dealer had to play fair.
Was it really her fault?
He answered “yes,” as he force-fed her
Another spoonful of sugar
To drown the vinegar he’d drenched her in
All her life.












The sweetness would fade.
She knew this all too well.
She’d listened until now,
But now it felt more like a death sentence
Than a request.
She was messed up,
But when she asked him why,
Why her…?
He replied without a hint of regret,
“You did this to yourself.”








In her surprise,
Her eyes glued themselves to the floor
As she met his words with silent acceptance.
It was all she could do
Just to refuse…
But we all know, one day,
She did.





Cover Image Credit: Autodo

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I Went To "The Bachelor" Auditions

And here's why you won’t be seeing me on TV.
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views

It’s finally time to admit my guilty pleasure: I have always been a huge fan of The Bachelor.

I can readily admit that I’ve been a part of Bachelor fantasy leagues, watch parties, solo watching — you name it, I’ve gone the whole nine yards. While I will admit that the show can be incredibly trashy at times, something about it makes me want to watch it that much more. So when I found out that The Bachelor was holding auditions in Houston, I had to investigate.

While I never had the intention of actually auditioning, there was no way I would miss an opportunity to spend some time people watching and check out the filming location of one of my favorite TV shows.

The casting location of The Bachelor, The Downtown Aquarium in Houston, was less than two blocks away from my office. I assumed that I would easily be able to spot the audition line, secretly hoping that the endless line of people would beg the question: what fish could draw THAT big of a crowd?

As I trekked around the tanks full of aquatic creatures in my bright pink dress and heels (feeling somewhat silly for being in such nice clothes in an aquarium and being really proud of myself for somewhat looking the part), I realized that these auditions would be a lot harder to find than I thought.

Finally, I followed the scent of hairspray leading me up the elevator to the third floor of the aquarium.

The doors slid open. I found myself at the end of a large line of 20-something-year-old men and women and I could feel all eyes on me, their next competitor. I watched as one woman pulled out her travel sized hair curler, someone practiced answering interview questions with a companion, and a man (who was definitely a little too old to be the next bachelor) trying out his own pick-up lines on some of the women standing next to him.

I walked to the end of the line (trying to maintain my nonchalant attitude — I don’t want to find love on a TV show). As I looked around, I realized that one woman had not taken her eyes off of me. She batted her fake eyelashes and looked at her friend, mumbling something about the *grumble mumble* “girl in the pink dress.”

I felt a wave of insecurity as I looked down at my body, immediately beginning to recognize the minor flaws in my appearance.

The string hanging off my dress, the bruise on my ankle, the smudge of mascara I was sure I had on the left corner of my eye. I could feel myself begin to sweat. These women were all so gorgeous. Everyone’s hair was perfectly in place, their eyeliner was done flawlessly, and most of them looked like they had just walked off the runway. Obviously, I stuck out like a sore thumb.

I walked over to the couches and sat down. For someone who for the most part spent most of the two hours each Monday night mocking the cast, I was shocked by how much pressure and tension I felt in the room.

A cop, stationed outside the audition room, looked over at me. After a brief explanation that I was just there to watch, he smiled and offered me a tour around the audition space. I watched the lines of beautiful people walk in and out of the space, realizing that each and every one of these contestants to-be was fixated on their own flaws rather than actually worrying about “love.”

Being with all these people, I can see why it’s so easy to get sucked into the fantasy. Reality TV sells because it’s different than real life. And really, what girl wouldn’t like a rose?

Why was I so intimidated by these people? Reality TV is actually the biggest oxymoron. In real life, one person doesn’t get to call all the shots. Every night isn’t going to be in a helicopter looking over the south of France. A real relationship depends on more than the first impression.

The best part of being in a relationship is the reality. The best part about yourself isn’t your high heels. It’s not the perfect dress or the great pick-up lines. It’s being with the person that you can be real with. While I will always be a fan of The Bachelor franchise, this was a nice dose of reality. I think I’ll stick to my cheap sushi dates and getting caught in the rain.

But for anyone who wants to be on The Bachelor, let me just tell you: Your mom was right. There really are a lot of fish in the sea. Or at least at the aquarium.

Cover Image Credit: The Cut

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11 Amazing TV Shows That Are Ending in 2019

All good things must come to an end.

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It might just be the beginning of 2019 but there are many TV series wrapping up already. There are many breathtaking and original pilots around along with several reboots coming. This might be one of the greatest year for TV.

However, all good things must come to an end. Some series have been planned out and are going to be finished while others have been cut short. Sadly, here's a list of TV series to say goodbye to this year.

1. The Big Bang Theory (CBS)

Final Date: May

12 Seasons//279 episodes

2. Orange is the New Black (Netflix)

www.youtube.com

Final Date: End of 2019

7 seasons//91 episodes

3. Jane the Virgin (CW)

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Final Date: Mid-late 2019

5 seasons//100 episodes

4. Games of Thrones (HBO)

HBO

Final Date: Summer

8 Seasons//73 episodes

5. Broad City (Comedy Central)

Comedy Central

Final Date: March

5 seasons//50 episodes

6. VEEP (HBO)

HBO

Final Date: Spring

7 seasons//67 episodes

7. Homeland (Showtime)

Showtime

Final date: Summer

8 seasons//96 episodes

8. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Netflix)

Final date: January 25

4 seasons//52 episodes

9. The Affair (Showtime)

Amazon

Final Date: End of 2019

5 seasons//42 episodes

10. Friends From College (Netflix)

Final Date: End of 2019

2 seasons//16 episodes

11. Crashing (HBO)

HBO

Final Date: End of 2019

3 seasons//24 episodes

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