Women Need More Than Some Lady-Friendly Doritos

When word hit the ‘net that lady-friendly Doritos were on the horizon, the world wasn’t having it. As the über ridiculous news spread like the flu at a poorly-regulated elementary school, Twitter users took to the chip maker to task. Even major media outlets ranging from “The Washington Post” to “Time” to “FoxNews” spoke of the idea’s preposterousness.

Possessed of an overactive imagination, I envisioned a bunch of crusty, old, and white men languishing around a boardroom, and saying to themselves, or no one in particular, “how can we make women hate us less?”

“Well,” a truly insightful voice contributes, “we could offer them feminine hygiene products at a cost that doesn’t cause them hate being female, respect their opinions, see them a T&A (tits and ass) decorated baby-making machines, and actually seem them as equals.”

Ignoring the comment, one of the crustiest of the crusty men, speaks aloud, rather proud of himself, too, “let’s give them noiseless Doritos!”

Shocked me to learn that the idea might not have stemmed from some aged, white men at all, but rather a woman. At least a woman broke the news during an interview with “Freakonomics.” In the interview, PepsiCo C.E.O. Indra Nooyi indicated that chips directed at women are being considered.

“For women, low-crunch, the full taste profile, not have so much of the flavor stick on your fingers, and how can you put it in a purse?” Nooyi said.

Of course, there are naysayers who suggest the PepsiCo leader’s words were taken out of context, but Nooyi also said that women “don’t like to crunch too loudly in public.” Combine that with the quote I share above, and the context is clear.

Nooyi could very well be responding to countless focus groups full of women. Maybe women do want quieter bags of chips. I know I’ve felt stupid when eating too noisily and I get stared down by a random person. Probably shouldn’t do it during church, but hey.

Kidding, I don’t do that. Go to church, I mean. Sorry, mom.

Where am I going with this? Nowhere in particular, I suppose. I’m just irked that we live in a society in which women are paid less than men, worry that medical professionals will sexually abuse them, and are just altogether shit on by men, but there’s a woman out there wanting to make a buck based on the idea that women might want a noiseless chip bag.

Just to be clear, there are far too many injustices to women than what I mentioned, not to mention injustices toward women of color. Also, is it really Nooyi’s fault that the media or I treat her as a scapegoat? No, it’s not fair. She’s doing the job she was hired to do, even if it seems silly that a noiseless chip bag is actually being considered.

Things need to change. Feminism is necessary, and not just the brand of feminism involving women. Men need to get on board with feminism, too. When that happens, maybe we’ll have women being afforded the same salaries as her male counterparts, paying the same for razors that just so happen to be pink in color, or, heaven forbid, can walk down the street knowing the men she sees aren’t thinking of her in sexually explicit situations

It’s not enough, not by a longshot, but I’ll do my best to educate and to model for other men how to treat women as they are: equals. And not just women, but all people regardless of their differences

Oh, and if I'm ever guilty of "mansplaining" or otherwise being a chauvinistic pig to women, I hope to hell that one of my bomb-ass lady friends puts me in check. Lord knows I have a ton of women in my life that are about as awesome as awesome can get.