bubbly | bub·bly | \ ˈbə-b(ə-)lē \
adjective 1. Lively, in high spirits. Trekking across the neighborhood playground, she twirls in circles. Grin beaming, eyes gleaming. The world appears bright as the sun births light. Youthful, she's caught up in a poetic illusion.
2. Childhood descriptor, for some. Children desire nothing more than the transformation into adulthood. To grow up. Childhood never lasts long enough.
depression | de·pres·sion | \ di-ˈpre-shən \
noun 1. Misery. Adolescence packs a punch. Trapped in low spirits, she's stuck in distress.
2. A mental disorder characterized by low mood, lack of ambition, and sleeping in until 6 pm. Mama said it's just a chemical imbalance in her brain. Nothing a few pills can't solve.
3. Self-loathing. She swallows the vomit of, "No one cares, no one notices, no one loves me." There's a kind of insecurity here.
4. A ghost. A dark cloak trails behind her, wearing her face. A skeleton of bones bearing a shameful mask. Nobody knows. Nobody sees. Blurred from reality, she becomes invisible.
5. Hell. The Medusa of her nightmares. It's hereditary. Escape is not an option.
iridescent | ir·i·des·cent | \ ˌir-ə-ˈde-sᵊnt \
adjective 1. Showing luminous colors when viewed from different angles. There are two sides to every story. Hers has more. She hasn't figured out all the people she is.
2. Characterized by shifts, changes. Mama tossed her into therapy. She flowers from painful conversations. Life looks a little bit better, a little bit brighter. One breath at a time. As a smile curls across her lips, she laughs for the first time in six years. Happiness. It doesn't last long.
3. Descriptor of the human condition, metaphorically? She clings to an innocence already lost. The Peter Pan child within her disappeared before it had the chance to flourish. Growing up is a joke.
medication | med·i·ca·tion | \ ˌme-di-ˈkā-shən \
noun 1. Pills used to treat disease. Mama takes pills. Papa takes pills. Great Aunt Martha took pills before she jumped off a bridge. Grandma, who got herself locked away in an asylum for slicing off her skin, took pills. Go down to the bone. She joins the list.
2. A substance used by the mentally ill to feel normal. There's a noticeable difference after six days of dosages. Hope.
3. Not always pills, in some cases. "I love being an alcoholic," her friend tells her. She grew up too fast. In an ill attempt to snatch her childhood from the grave, she self-medicates before bed in order to sleep like a baby at night. She thinks she can fix herself.
pretty | pret·ty | \ ˈpri-tē \
adjective 1. Possessing elements of beauty. Standing in the bathroom of her family home, she looks in the mirror and tells herself affirmations. This self-love technique was recommended by her childhood therapist, but she never attempted it until adulthood. She wishes she hadn't waited so long. "You're beautiful. You're smart. You deserve to be loved. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise," she says. Her reflection stares back. A hint of a smile peers at her from beyond the glass.
2. Art. She visits museums and reads poetry, loving artful quibbles. She appreciates art and lets herself be inspired by it. Notebooks fill with her writings. Drawings peek through the corners of every page. Canvases become saturated with her paintings. She wished her therapist could see her now, stable and at ease with several hobbies.
psycho | psy·cho | \ ˈsī-(ˌ)kō \
noun 1. A deranged person. That's what Mama says she'll become. She chides back, claiming she's just broken without reason. She returns to the bathroom to look in the mirror again. "Mama's wrong. That's not me." She believes her words for a moment, but her skin begins to crack.
2. Stereotype used to label a mentally ill person. Misunderstanding blooms here. Despite growing fertile with pain, the world is stuck in complacency. She's not.
self-love | self·love | \ ˌself-ˈləv \
noun 1. The act of taking care of oneself. Therapists stress this as important to any healing process. Some kinds of depression can't be cured and people have to learn to live with them. She wants to love her flaws. She develops a skin care routine. Fruits and vegetables become a staple in her diet. She didn't consider the health implications of food before. Exercise peppers its way into her daily activities.
2. Healing; a process. Feeling strong, she believes she believes she no longer needs therapy or pills. She tells Mama she's stable without them. Mama says she's not. She says it's time she moved out. Mama says no.
suicide | sui·cide | \ ˈsü-ə-ˌsīd \
noun 1. The act of self-murder, intentionally. Death wears a cape, a mask. A poor disguise. It doesn't excel at pretending. It takes what it can get: always everything.
2. A potential result of mental illness, untreated. She hasn't gone to therapy in six weeks. Afflictions can't be fixed, Mama says. Storm through life, blossom in death. She hasn't taken her pills in six months. Mama must be right. How does one escape the paradox of life? Disillusioned, she collapsed by a roadside and fell asleep somewhere far from home.
