Kacey Musgraves is one of my favorite artists and songwriters. She is like no other, and is able to make you feel absolutely everything she sings. I just adore her. She is seen as a rebel in country music, considering she doesn't just go with the norm of country music's standards. She speaks up for what she believes in and is quite the woman.
Kacey captures what I feel constantly in this song. I never had a way of describing this, and she found a way to describe it for me. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and there are times when it's not so bad, but I make it bad because I know bad times are ahead.
“I'm the kind of person who starts getting kind of nervous when I'm having the time of my life."
Sometimes I feel like I feel better when I feel worse, because I am not really in fear of what is to come. Being happy is such an uncomfortable thing to me because it just feels wrong. I'm so used to being sad that being happy just doesn't seem like a privilege I should have. I feel significantly more secure whenever I am avoiding happiness.
I spend every bit of my life that is supposed to be happy, filled with anxiety. Things just don't feel right when they're going right. I know something will be going wrong soon, therefore I live in so much fear.
I get scared to do things I enjoy because I know it'll end. I'm afraid to live my life in a positive way because I'm sure that something negative is on its way. In my mind, trying to be happy is just a waste of time.
“Is there a word for the way that I'm feeling tonight?"
Turns out there is. Cherophobia.
The fear of happiness.
To some, it may not seem right to be afraid of something as simple as being happy, but to me, happiness is just something that happens before everything comes crashing down. This doesn't mean I am never happy. It just means I can't be happy without having quite a bit of anxiety to go along with it.
Daniel Tashian, Ian Fitchuk, & Kacey Musgraves — thank you for writing this song. I have never been able to describe these feelings myself until I heard this fantastic song, and I am so thankful it made the album. I am not alone. I am happy & sad at the same time.
