It's storytime.
Last week I went to my first punk rock concert with a new friend of mine. It was a last minute decision and I bought myself a ticket the night before. I was so excited because punk music had become a defining aspect of not only my music taste but also my day-to-day life. That music has been there for me on all of my ups and down lately. Now, I was finally going to be able to experience that music in real life, to finally experience punk in person.
The show was a pretty long line up of a bunch of different punk bands (some more familiar than others) and was meant to be a sort of 10th-year-anniversary concert for a music production company. The venue was this sort of small bar/club in downtown Pontiac with three different "rooms" where bands were playing. My friend and I stayed in the main ballroom almost the whole time up on a balcony so we could see the large crowd below us and the stage perfectly fine (and with me being 5'2", this was essential).
As we swayed and danced to the Flatliners playing down below, a small mosh pit started to form and I stared in complete awe. My friend laughed at my amusement and then had me promise that we would go down there and join at some point. Of course, I said yes and actually couldn't wait. For those of you that don't know, moshing is essentially how one dances to punk or heavy metal. It involves a lot of pushing, head banging, arm-swinging, crowd suffering, kicking, jumping, and yelling along to the music. To someone not used to that or that type of music, it must seem maniacal and psychotic at first glance. But it is almost like a rollercoaster: Why do we get into a ride only to be scared and experience dangerously high speeds? The adrenaline rush obviously.
The Flatliners are now finished with their set, so my friend and I headed down to the main floor to get ready for my one of my all-time favorite bands: Pup. If you aren't familiar with Pup, they are a Canadian hardcore punk band who are known for their super intense mosh pits in the indie music community. My friend and I met some other people down in the pit and we were all talking before the music started, mainly about how nervous I was. I just stood there, shaking a little, bracing myself for whatever I was about to experience.
I started to second guess my choice to get into a Pup mosh pit, but then the music started. My friend looks at me and I have an urge to say goodbye when immediately bodies start hitting each other from every direction. I lose my friend in the crowd right off the bat and I already feel suffocated by the weight of everyone around me. Not being a huge Black Friday person, I wondered if this is how it felt to be in those huge crowds bombarding a Walmart the second it opens (just add in a lot of drunk people and deafening music). I am being pushed from every direction, and already I am sweating through my shirt.
Then it happens. I am punched on the side of the head. A hand comes swinging out from next to me so quickly I could not even see it coming. Luckily, my friend and I took our glasses off beforehand just in case something like this happened. That disoriented me for a few moments (and gives me a killer headache), but I just try to focus on my breathing and not falling over. I pull myself together just to have someone grab a fistful of my hair a few minutes later into the second song. I was pulled backward, my neck twisted at a weird angle. I turn around, but can't see who did it. This has me freaked out, and I remember my friend telling me that if I need to get out to just crowd surf to the front (which is equally as scary at this point). So, I get the attention of a dude next to me and yell over the music, asking him if he could give me a lift. When he knelt down to grab my foot someone accidentally knees him in the face and we are split apart by a crowd of people. At this point, I see no point of escape and I get legitimately worried. Then, I lose my footing and fall down when someone reaches down and pulls me up before I can get seriously hurt.
My friend sees me not doing too well, so he pulls me over to him and pushes us out of the pit and the ballroom and into the front entrance. I'm bent over and struggling to breathe when I turn around to him and laugh. I had just experienced one of the most thrilling things thus far in my life. We were dripping with sweat and out of breath, but I was on cloud 9. Before you call me insane, let me explain why.
On one hand, the adrenaline is ridiculously amazing. It is like a rollercoaster, just a little more violent at that. I felt like I was in my own world, experiencing so many firsts. My first punk concert, my first time seeing Pup, my first concert with my friend, and my first time moshing. And for the first time in months, I felt genuinely happy. I was doing something for myself and decided to dance like a crazy person like no one was watching. I was completely sober but felt a high that lasted me through the night
On the other hand, I felt like I belonged. I had found my community. Amongst the other pierced and tatted angsty people, I finally knew where I could exist solely as myself. From the people we randomly met and bonded with before the set started to the person who tried to lift me up to crowd surf to the person who picked me up as soon as I fell, I felt an attachment to all of them like we were in this sort of mismatched, chaotic punk family together. I have always had a problem with fitting in and finding my group. Even when I had friends, they would normally be on a one-on-one basis. I have pretty bad social anxiety that makes it difficult for me to feel comfortable with people and new friends. So the fact I could find my place, my home with my friend at my side... There is something powerful in that
So, I moshed for the first time. I got hit in the face. And I loved every single bit of it.
