All of us RedHawks owe a lot, literally, to Miami University, and our appreciation for our beloved school doesn't always show. Jimmy Fallon writes thank you notes during a recurring segment of his show, and he addresses many random things we don't normally acknowledge. Without further ado, this is what Jimmy would probably thank Miami for if he were a student here.

Academics

Thank you, Farmer, for department-wide exams. I'm glad I now know what I should have learned in my own section of the class but, evidently, was not taught.

Thank you, Miami professors, for the many sleepless nights you have caused me. Who really needs sleep, anyway?

Thank you, Miami Plan, for making me take classes completely outside my area of study. I know my future employers will prefer hearing about different types of clothing worn in 14th-century Europe as opposed to my statistical programming abilities.

Thank you, Farmer, for being inaccessible for students transferring to Miami from other universities. This provides the opportunity for students to choose a different career path.

Thank you, Miami Plan, for not allowing music performance classes to count for the fine arts requirement.

Thank you, Department of Speech Pathology and Audiology, for only having classes in the windowless basement of Bachelor. Thanks to this, we never have to see the dreary weather outdoors.

Thank you, chemistry labs, for always being a safe environment. #SafetyFirst

Campus Life

Thank you, Miami University, for really understanding your student demographic when planning events. Students will definitely come to your events instead of going Uptown.

Thank you, Miami University, for only allowing our Philo accounts to work while on campus. It really brings off-campus students closer together when they have to be on campus to watch anything.

Thank you, drunk students, for permanently vandalizing school property. The decorations really add to the campus atmosphere.

Thank you, Uptown, for having endless food options that are way better than Miami dining.

Dining

Thank you, Miami dining, for letting frequent pints of ice cream and trips to Pulley drain my declining balance because the food served in dining halls is inedible at times.

Thank you, Miami dining, for only having one facility open past 8 p.m. This really shows how well you understand student schedules.

Thank you, Miami dining, for showing me all of the ways you shouldn't make stir-fry.

Thank you, Miami dining, for your consistency in available forks, plates, seating and food variety. It no longer surprises us when you have none of the above.

Dorm Life

Thank you, Miami housing, for all of the times the laundry machines have broken. This provides us the opportunity for a workout by lugging our dirty clothes to someone else's dorm, and it teaches us to not procrastinate.

Thank you, Swing Hall, for continuing to be a health hazard for all who live in it and even those who don't. We appreciate that you're finally being torn down. #DemolishSwing

In addition, thank you, Miami construction, for fencing off the entire building to prevent entry. The students who still live there obviously don't need to enter or exit.

Thank you, Hamilton Hall, for being an exclusive party central for sorority members who live there. It's clearly a wonderful and welcoming environment for those not involved in Greek life.

Thank you, weed triple in Ogden Hall, for always giving our hallways a strong, distinct smell.

Thank you, Miami housing, for locking us out of convenient doors after 11 p.m. I definitely feel safer when I have to walk around to the unlit side of my building as opposed to entering the lit entrance closer to everything else.

Scheduling

Thank you, BannerWeb, for allowing us to create wonderful schedules while still on the site.

Thank you, Miami, for allowing honors freshmen to schedule courses before even super seniors. We understand the pressure freshmen are under to have the perfect schedule immediately.

Thank you, College of Arts and Science, for your absolutely reasonable requirements.

Thank you, Miami academics, for having small enough class sizes that it messes up everyone's scheduling options. We understand that asking for 10 seats instead of eight is completely unreasonable.

Various

Thank you, Miami, for being in a location where proper weather seasons don't exist.

Thank you, Miami, for making all of your buildings accessible to everyone.

Thank you, Miami University Bookstore, for overstaffing. This means employees have very few jobs to accomplish.

Thank you, Spring Street and Patterson Avenue, for having a wonderful and definitely safe intersection.

Thank you, Miami parking, for being accessible and reasonable.

OK, I’ll quit being salty now. In all seriousness, thank you, Miami, for everything:

Thank you, President Greg and Dr. Renate Crawford, for showing what Love and Honor truly is. I really don’t know what Miami did to deserve the two of you, but we couldn’t ask for a better first family — Ivy included.

Thank you, Miami, for the greatest friends I could possibly ask for. They've become family, and without you, I never would have met them.

Thank you, Miami, for giving me the opportunity to continue what I love outside the classroom through your large variety of student organizations.

Thank you, Miami, for always pushing me to limits beyond what I could have imagined.

Most importantly, thank you, Miami, for being the place I consider home and for being what will be an incredibly difficult goodbye after graduation.

Love and Honor,

Your RedHawks