Last Sunday, the world was split into teams of excitement and outrage when Jesus called for a press conference about some self-proclaimed “major news”
I know everyone must be on the edge of their seats wondering why I decided to make my second coming at this point in time” addressed Christ to the eager crowd. “We have decided to stop production of my best-seller, the Bible, from all publication companies...”. The crowd gave Jesus many blank stares, but his mouth was yet to close. It was what he said next that rocked the entire room just like the boulder that kept him in his tomb. “... in order to make room to start producing a sequel!”
The Bible is a collection of texts that are held sacred between the religions of Christianity and Judaism. Jesus helped co-write the book with his father, basing many of the stories in the book around real events in his life. Critically, the book is known for being split between those who love and hate it. That didn’t stop it from being a financial monster. With sales usually being around 100 million copies a year, the book has sold over 5 billion copies since it’s release date and has outsold other fantasy novels, such as "The Lord of the Rings" and "The DaVinci Code"
If you look online, many have been vocal about their love or hate for the announced sequel.
Jesus didn’t stop with the news there, either. After appearing to leave the conference, Christ turned back around and made a surprise announcement. “Oh yes, we are also planning on making the sequel into a movie. More details to come.”
A Bible sequel movie?!? Can we say "YES"? We predict the movie will bring down the box-office like it was the city of Babylon.
More news has been released since that announcement. The newly planned Bible sequel is CONFIRMED to be in talks for a film adaptation, with 20th Century Fox taking over production and distribution. CEO Jim Gianopulos commented on this, stating “We are very excited to bring the new adventures of the Bible to the silver screen”. When asked who would be directing, Gianopulos couldn’t give a definite answer at the time, saying “All we can say is it will NOT be Mel Gibson. We learned our lesson with the last one. We want the Bible sequel to have all the qualities of a fun, humorous, summer blockbuster”.
Gibson himself commented on this, saying that the reason for him really not being called back is the "[redacted for strong Antisemitism]." Gibson came out as an alcoholic in 2006.
It is rumored that the Russo Brothers are in talks for directing the sequel.
UPDATE: A sequel to the Bible’s sequel has just been announced! It is a good time to be a Christian in history. The final part of the soon-to-be Bible trilogy will come out shortly after the sequel’s movie, releasing it just in time before production for its two-part film adaptation will wrap up its cinematic run. That doesn’t mean there won’t be any more Bible movies to look out for throughout the years
Jesus took twitter by storm when he announced full plans for a BCU (Bible Cinematic Universe). Not much is known about this besides a planned prequel to the original Bible titled "Bible: Rogue Testament One." No directors are being speculated at the time.
Fans have also taken to the internet to voice their opinion on the announced cinematic universe.
So far, no comment has been made by the series original co-creator and co-author, God. God is known for having a low profile when it comes to the media, as well as with generally helping out with all the famine and injustice in the world, so not many were shocked by this. This hasn't kept fans from rumoring he will speak out about it, no matter how many centuries he's stayed silent! God was always more of the Wozniak of the operation. Let's just hope a legal battle over the BCU doesn’t ensue, thus crushing our dreams
The sequel is penned for an unedited publication by Jesus independently, and an edited version with subliminal messages about joining the US army by Puffin Books. The book will be sold in physical and e-book copies around 20-*muffled sounds*.
