I've Found My Soulmate And It Isn't Who You'd Think
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Health and Wellness

I've Found My Soulmate And It Isn't Who You'd Think

I've fallen madly in love with...myself.

I've Found My Soulmate And It Isn't Who You'd Think

No, this isn't some sugarcoated and nauseatingly mushy giggle-fest about how wonderful my boyfriend is (although yes, he is quite wonderful). In fact, this article isn't even about anyone else.

It's about myself- specifically, my struggle with self-acceptance and the journey to falling in love with who I am, a journey I think I will be on for the rest of my life.

I've never been the kind of girl who was outwardly shy. But just because I had no problem speaking in public or complimenting strangers doesn't mean that I was full of confidence in myself. Before the age of nineteen years old I was never once able to look in the mirror and think to myself, "YES girl, WORK that up-do!!" or "Ugh sweetie, you look FABULOUS today!".

Yes, I mostly liked my personality as it was, but I only wanted to be physically "perfect", thinking that was the only way I would ever be happy with myself. Being human, of course, I naturally failed at being what I thought was "perfect", and so I hated the reflection I saw in the mirror.

I hated the feelings that accompanied all the self-loathing. I hated feeling fat, I hated feeling ugly, I hated feeling lonely because I didn't have a relationship. This constant losing battle of trying to be perfect brought about many "issues" with how I viewed my body and my face, which eventually turned from being emotionally damaging to being a threat to my physical health.

It took me a very long time to come to grips with the fact that my emotional issues were negatively impacting my daily life, but once I realized I would never attain the impossible standard of perfection I expected of myself, I began to see where I needed to reach out for help. And once I finally reached out, I found an infinite number of hands that were more than willing to help me climb back up this slippery slope.

So here's the problem with such self-deprecation: it doesn't go away unless you tell it to, unless you decide to stick up for yourself and stand up to those negative voices in your head. And the most difficult thing you can ever do for yourself is become your own advocate, most especially for your own happiness.

How did I get where I am today? It was NOT easy, let me be the first to tell you that. I had to change my attitude about myself. I had to stop deflecting or denying compliments from other people and start thinking about how nice it was of them to notice my good qualities. I had to stop making hurtful critical statements about myself, and I had to start looking in the mirror with a positive mindset.

Instead of looking for what I needed to "fix" about myself, I started looking for what I liked about myself. And the funny thing was, I found out I liked a lot of the things about myself that were unique to me. I liked how my eyes were hot-chocolate-y brown in the sunlight.

I liked the cute little freckle in my bottom lip, and I realized I actually did like the way my body looked because it fit my personality so well (kind of small-ish, but not tiny, most likely a feisty thumb-wrestler, definitely enjoys pasta- 10/10 would find huggable). Once I started liking myself, and working on fixing the issues that set off my unkindness to myself, I began to find that I actually might maybe be able to kinda/sorta in time possibly... love myself.

Since the time I made the decision to live my life in the healthiest way possible, and seek a loving relationship with myself before one with anyone else, I have come leaps and bounds from that dark place. I've found that if you have an open heart, you will be able to find help. You will realize that although you may feel alone, unworthy, unfixable, or unlovable, you are not any of those bad things the voices in your head are telling you. You are "perfect" just the way you are, and the best way to be happy and healthy is to start working towards falling in love with yourself every day.

So go ahead, ladies, #WERK that updo!! Live your truth, fellas. And don't forget to tell the flawless creature in the mirror that you love them exactly how they are.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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