I want you to read these words. Out loud, if you can.
I know what it is
But I'm hoping that all is well
No harvest of green
But it's still my heart to sell
I put everything I had
Into something that didn't grow
Like going on a wild hunt
Shooting arrows without a bow
These are some of the lyrics to one of my favorites, All Is Well by Austin Basham. He is very truthful in the way he writes, but it's not a happy and sunshine-y kind of song. He sings about living a life of pouring out, regardless of the gold star given in return. Grueling, tiresome and praise-less.
Sometimes there is no response to hard work or wholehearted service. Sometimes it seems like we haven't make a dent in the world around us. Sometimes we go home, knowing full well that we won't return the next day to a thankful smile or a bigger paycheck. The day-to-day can be monotonous, draining, and overwhelming when we are looking at it from up-close. We start running in these circles of exhaustion and we get stuck, not knowing how to do it differently. Or maybe it's just me.
What do we do when our work and our comings and goings seem pointless? What do we go back to and what is our home when we fail in our work? Is it praise or recognition? Security? Pride in a title?
A good friend of mine works a tough job that wears her out. She would say that I could do it too, but I have my doubts. The environment is tense and people can be difficult to love. It's hard to hold onto joy throughout the day. But that is the work that she has been called to right now. She may not be there in five years, but she is living wholeheartedly out of that "right now" purpose. She knows the Big Story and the role she plays in it. It isn't about her. It's about the people she serves and the God they are getting to know better because she is boldly pursuing her role.
God calls us into hard things. He asks us to step out in His confidence and not ask questions, whenever that might be and wherever that could take us. We are wanted in this Journey, this process, not needed. He could do all of this without us, but He doesn't want to. There is a reason we are relational and there is a reason we need each other. Our Father is relational and he wants us to know His heart better, just as He knows ours. The 27th verse of the Bible, back over in Genesis 1, reminds us of our identity. "God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him..."
To fully know the Heart of God. Fully know. I don't know about you, but that is a beautiful thing to think about. If you haven't taken the time to do that, try it today. It is worth putting in the time, energy, effort, heart and soul so that we can know and reflect Him better. I fail at this on a daily basis and I have to keep going back to where I belong with a willingness to keep stepping forward in freedom. The world cannot be your place of belonging; it won't help you back up.
The rest of that song goes like this.
But Lord, you know it's true
I only want to be with You
Oh, you know it's true
I only want to be with You
Woe is me
Weary soul
Heeding grief
Your love in my heart
Feels like the ocean breeze
Said your love in my heart
Feels like the ocean breeze
