It's kind of funny that 48 hours before we rang in the new year I spent however many hours reevaluating my life and creating a more effective daily schedule for me to follow. I looked forward to getting my life together. After all, I pushed through last semester by surviving on such little sleep and Starbucks every single day. My goal in 2019 is to work on becoming a better version of myself.

But, it has not been going according to plan.

January 1st, I slept for most of the day. I got out bed but found myself dozing off on the couch as I watched Netflix. Safe to say that the very first day of the year was nowhere near productive. I mean, I convinced myself that I deserved to catch up on my sleep before I go back to school and work. A few days went by, and I just kept digging myself into a hole. I couldn't escape the situation.

I made a promise that I would use my last week of break working on how I can better execute my goal. I only had so many days left to prep up until the upcoming semester began. I could not let myself go back my old ways of living that caused unnecessary stress and exhaustion.

I wanted to be better. I wanted to be happier. I wanted to be proud.

As much as I hated the fact that I have yet to follow through with my resolutions to achieve my goal for the year, I realized I should not be beating myself for how bad I have been. It's not always a matter of setting the right time or right schedule for yourself to check off whatever it is on your to-do list. I learned that I can't decide a specific time to do some things. They will happen when they are meant to happen. There's no point in forcing something to happen.

I've been taking it day by the day. I figured it would be easier to start with one responsibility at a time, rather than piling up one after another. Having so much on my plate last semester did show me how bad stress can damage a person. You will lose yourself and forget your purpose all at once. I'm too familiar with the feeling of not being myself anymore, and I want to get out of that never-ending cycle.

Making new year's resolutions is always fun. It gives us a type of hope that we'll finally see some improvement in our lives. Many of us are lucky and have an easy time; other struggles as they attempt to make changes. In the end, we will all get to wherever we need to be. The "when" part is not always important, but the "how" will always matter.

I just got to ease up on myself, especially when I already know I'm not the best at juggling multiple responsibilities and whatnot.