An Invisible Force  Separates Me from My Feelings
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

I'm Sorry If I Don't Show My Emotions The Same Way You Do

There are appropriate moments for grief and sorrow, and other moments when you have to push your feelings aside to do what needs to be done.

I'm Sorry If I Don't Show My Emotions The Same Way You Do
Paige Libman

Life is and forever will be a complete mystery to humanity. Humans, as conscious beings, want to be in control of every single thing that happens to them in life. That, however, is not the case. For wanting to be so in charge, we have very little control over what happens in our lives. Every day of our lives, there's a possibility of death. Whether it's our own, or someone close to us, we can never truly predict it.

I have always processed information slightly different than other people. Ever since I was little I've always been more sympathetic to other's emotions and stories than worried about my own. I would always be the first to cry with a friend or cry at movies, but when it came to my own life, it was almost as if there was an invisible wall holding the rush of emotions from hitting me.

There's almost a separation from my negative emotions and my person.

I first realized this separation existed when my grandfather, Poppy was what I called him, died the day after Thanksgiving, a few years back. I was at a friend's house hanging out and having a good time when my step-mother at the time came to pick me up and take me back home to my mom's.

In the car, I was told that he had passed away and my dad was on a plane, headed to New Jersey for the funeral. Poppy, being Jewish, had to be buried pretty quickly after his death. While I did cry after I heard the news, I didn't allow myself to feel it completely. I let a few tears loose and then fell asleep in the car, only to grieve a few weeks later, alone in my room.

This time gap that occurred confused me and also made me feel guilty for not feeling it earlier. I had known that I chose to feel negative emotions when I was alone, but this feeling of grief should have hit me when I first heard the news. It's almost as if I have the ability to push specific negative emotions into a locker inside my mind and lock it down tight until I open it again. Well, that is the goal, but those emotions eventually end up breaking that said lock and overwhelming me at times.

I've recently lost the last of my childhood pets, which hit me a little harder than I was expecting. When I lost the first two of three, I, unfortunately, wasn't with them at the vet to say goodbye, so it was almost like because I didn't see it happen, it didn't. I was home with my last angel when it was her time.

I carried her to my car and carried her into the vet. Sitting with her while whispering sweet things in her ear caused me to fully come to the conclusion that all my animal's deaths were solidified. I, unfortunately, had to work immediately after our vet visit, so I couldn't grieve until I got home.

I've come to realize that as an adult, you need to have a certain level of control over your emotions. There are appropriate moments for grief and sorrow and other moments when you have to push your feelings aside to do what needs to be done. Either way, I've learned that I have this level of control over my emotions that come in handy.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lots of people sat on the cinema wearing 3D glasses

Ever wonder what your friend meant when they started babbling about you taking their stapler? Or how whenever you ask your friend for a favor they respond with "As You Wish?" Are you looking for new and creative ways to insult your friends?

Well, look no further. Here is a list of 70 of the most quotable movies of all time. Here you will find answers to your questions along with a multitude of other things such as; new insults for your friends, interesting characters, fantastic story lines, and of course quotes to log into your mind for future use.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments