This isn't the first time I've written about being "behind" in life. If there is such a thing as a time, then I'm calling BS.
I'm so far behind on the "success train" that I forget what stop I'm even getting off at.
Kidding. I know exactly where I'm going. It's just taking me a while to get there. I'm no longer ashamed of that.
But as I look around at all my friends with their diplomas and new jobs waiting for them, I can't help by feeling a tad bit envious. I always thought by my fifth year I'd be going back to school for my master's program, but to be honest, I can't even tell you what grade I am in my undergrad.
I thought I'd almost be done school by now. I thought I'd be on my way to becoming a fully employed 23-year-old working my butt off.
Here I am. 22 and I still feel like I'm a freshman. I feel like all my credits have washed away and are nowhere to be found. I didn't use half the books I had to buy, and there's no doubt in my mind I'll hardly use any more this semester, either.
No one told me that I'd still get nervous for the first day back. No one told me that I would still buy pretty brand new planners, pens, and notebooks. No one told me that I'd still be too afraid to sit in the front of the room. No one told me that I'd still be intimidated by my classmates.
I know I got four years on some of the students, but I fear the roles may have reversed. Are they looking at me funny? Will they think of me as a failure? Will they be able to tell I retook Chemistry II ... a total of three times?
Will my teachers think I lack work ethic and drive? Will everyone think less of me?
Or will they even know? I could still pass as 20 years old, easily.
It's time to buckle up and grind out another grueling semester.