To shower, or to bath--a polarizing topic.

I can't say I've lost friends over this point of contention, but I also won't deny there is a certain...divide...in our relationship when our preferences differ.

Recently I took a look at the stats on bathing versus showering. To my chagrin, I learned that an astonishing 65% of the American population consciously chooses to shower instead of bathe. I wondered, "Why do so few American realize the beauty of a bath?"

Before I continue on with this ~extremely heated and controversial debate~, I should provide a disclaimer. I was raised as a bather--internal bias? For sure. But as a college student, for all of six months, I have reluctantly become a shower-er. I gave it my all with the shower, but it's yet to fill the bath-shaped hole in my heart.

In this essay I will okay eww I hated that too let's just get on with this.

First, I'd like to address the age-old "It's like bathing in your own filth" argument. In response, I posit that if you are that concerned about wallowing in a cesspool of your own germs, we need to have a different discussion. What are you doing that's turning you into Pig Pen?

Let me know remind you that bathing is the activity of kings. As my fellow historians will remember, until the mid-14th Century, only royalty indulged in the aforementioned activity. So essentially, the members of the highest echelon in society are bathers, therefore making bathing is the truest form of luxury. Although I can't confirm this, I can only assume that this is still true today. After all, have you ever heard of Queen Elizabeth hopping into a quick shower before joining her subjects and regal corgis for high tea? Didn't think so. Do you want to be a peasant, doomed to die from the Plague? Rhetorical question.

I get it, all of this sounds pretty subjective. So like any good AP Language and Composition student would, I'll add some logos to this argument.

Let's go full South Campus and analyze some ~research~ to really solidify my claim.

GIPHY

Bathing is a scientifically proven way to keep your heart healthy. A nice warm bath gets the heart pumping faster which improves circulation. Avoid atherosclerosis and other chronic heart diseases that will keep you from kicking the bucket earlier than ideal. It might not sound important now, but lemme tell you--it's the long-con.

On top of living longer, taking baths improves mental clarity. They also have an uplifting effect on your mood and can also lead to better sleep.

I don't think I need to go into the undeniably exceptional vibes of a quality bath. Epsom salts, bubble bath, and perhaps a precariously placed computer playing your favorite episode of Sex and the City? The ambience is in a league of its own. Showers don't even make the cut for benchwarmers on the JV team.

Sure, there's a time and place for a shower. A quick rinse off after going to the beach or an intense workout are completely acceptable. But if you really want to get a good, relaxing soak in, consider ditching the fake rain storm for a nice, long bath that will put you at ease knowing you are both restoring your bod and becoming a superior individual who appreciates one of the greater indulgences of life.