The Very Most Important Things To Remember As A Woman

There are a lot of wild ideas people have about women: ideas that we are fragile, servile, and weak-minded, that we have poor judgment clouded by our emotions, and that for this reason, we need others to ensure our well-being. If I might, I would like to set the record straight by confirming that all of these ideas are true.

As much as I hate to take ownership of anything, much less my own story, I feel that there have been so many misconceptions clouding the truth of womanhood that here I must clarify. And, anyway, it is alright because my husband has given me permission to do so. I only have fifteen minutes to speak with you before the oven timer goes off, so I will try to get straight to the point.

As a general rule, I prefer to take up as little space as possible. I believe this a decent and wholesome ambition. We really have no business taking up space anyway. What I try to do is imagine, as best I can, a small box—perhaps along the lines of a shoe box, or a box for trapping rabbits—and then I try to imagine myself inside of it. Doing this helps me reduce the space I take up with unnecessary behaviors such as speaking and moving excessively.

But I think that part of what many women—perhaps women who take up too much space—fail to understand is that there are many ways we can exert ourselves into the surrounding environment in inappropriate ways. Almost too many ways to count. The fact of the matter is that in addition to trying to behave small, we must also think small. We must understand the littleness that we deserve. We must understand ourselves to limited, understand our rightful place within the box.

If we are inside the box, we also shan't be disappointed, as there is nothing one who lives inside of a box can reasonably expect. And indeed it is often unreasonable to have expectations. It drives many a poor girl mad.

Part of the duties that come with taking up no space is, of course, remaining quiet and observant. This one is particularly important to remember for our role within the walls of the home—and if we think about it the world is rather like one large household, yes? It is rather important to tend to others, and best not to question why.

Some key behaviors arise from deep observation, such as serving others, becoming an expert in perceiving others and learning to overlook oneself. Imagination can be rather tricky but try if you will, to imagine the quietest thing you can. Maybe an owl, or a deer. Now, imagine something even quieter. That's you.

Others are invariably more worthy of examining than ourselves anyway, particularly if we subscribe to the mindset of smallness… we really don't have very much worth looking upon at all. So this rule if you will is particularly simple to follow.

We are fairly fragile creatures anyway, and so it is really best for us to step away from the heat of action and passion anyway. Who is to say what evils could occur if we were to involve ourselves in activity? Really, who is to say? I have never tried it, so I certainly cannot. Nobody knows what corruption might occur. And so it is best to hold ourselves tight. Think of it as giving yourself a small but firm hug.

Remember that really, persistence is key to everything. Sometimes you may feel a desire to do things and to feel things and say things, all rather loudly. These are difficult moments with which to grapple. But good things come to those who wait.

What are we waiting for? Well, I… I am sure I can't really say. But I have baked some cookies, and you are more than welcome to them. Here, please, let me get out of your way.

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