Here I am, once again asking for help. I have screamed my thoughts to three people now, all for nothing. I have finally become brave enough to say out loud that I have thought about hurting myself, but no one is taking me seriously. I have literally said "I have thought about ending my own life," out loud to you, but you don't care. Maybe you would care if I actually did leave this world. Have you ever thought about that?

What if I was just gone?

I bet the world would look a little different. My mom would miss my smile and laugh. My dad would lose his hunting buddy for good. My brother would be all alone, especially since we have already lost our brother/sister due to an ectopic pregnancy. I know I would be missed by my family, but what about everyone else? Would they even care?

If I took my own life and disappeared forever, would you even notice?

I have poured my heart out to you. I've told you I have been having a hard time at school...with our relationship... with my own relationship with myself... Instead of helping me fix the problem, you call me crazy. You tell me that I am just being negative and that I should just be happy. I wish it were that easy. I wish I could snap my fingers and just be happy again, but I can't. I have fell into a pit. A pit full of depression. I have tried to pull myself out, but the quicksand at the bottom won't turn me free.

Maybe if I was gone, your life would be better.

If I was gone, maybe you would find the true love of your life. Sometimes I feel like you're with me because you feel like you wouldn't be able to find anyone else. I refused to date you for almost three years in fear of ruining our friendship. I finally came to my senses and realized I was being "dumb" and that maybe we should be together. Maybe I wasn't being dumb after all.

We were a power couple in the beginning. Always saying "I love you," and going on dates. You made me realize, "Wow, I should have been with you this entire time instead of the other guys I have dated." As time has passed, I have lost that feeling. Maybe you're like the rest of them. Treat me like I am one of a kind, just to turn around and our relationship turn into the same ole same ole as every other relationship I've had. Sure, you are a lot more kind than those other boys were to me. But you know what you all have in common? You all are quick to love me on my good days and quick to throw me away on my bad days. You discourage me when I need you the most. Isn't that the opposite of what a relationship is supposed to be?

I need your support. Why won't you help me?

I am drowning. Drowning in my own stress and fears. My nightmares are coming true and there is no one there to help me wake up. I need someone or something to help me get out of here. I want to be happy, I really do. I can't do that if you're also helping me fall into a deeper sleep where the nightmares live. Please wake me up. Help me. Instead of telling me to get over it, show me that you understand and care instead of walking away when I get upset.

I am so close to the edge, that I might just jump for good.

I don't think I would end my life. I couldn't do that to my parents and brother. I don't want you to suffer from that either, but I'm sure you would just move on and find the next girl. I hope you give her the support I needed. I might jump and end our relationship. I need someone to be there for me when I need them the most. I might not end my life completely, but I might end my life with you. I might end my life with the few people that I have told about my issues. No one is willing to help me, so why bother?

I hope this speaks to you. This is the truth of how I really feel. Help me. Please. I am begging you. I am so tired of feeling this way. Please help me climb out of this pit of depression. Help keep me motivated to finish school strong and to want to better our relationship. I am so close to giving up. Your support might be the very thing that saves my life.