Recently, an article from Odyssey titled "If Your Boyfriend's Best Friend Is A Girl" has been posted on Odyssey's Facebook page and I had a few thoughts on the article and the subject it discussed, so I have a few things to say to the author.
To the author,
You're correct in saying what a best friend is, you say that a best friend is "someone you can trust and confide in. A best friend is someone you can lean on and expect to have your back when no one else does. A best friend is there for you when you have a bad day and need a person to vent to", which is all correct.
You then went on to say "For those of you that have one, you know what it's like to depend on that friend and how twisted your world would be if you didn't have them anymore. So, you have your best friends and your boyfriend has [his], but what if his best friend was a girl?"
You then say that you "are not the jealous type", when in reality, your entire article says otherwise. Then you say "Before you go and judge a book by its cover, realize we're not here to rat on guys for having girls as best friends, [we're] here to share that it is not easy and is something that we will deal with, but something that hurt".
You say that you're not a jealous girl who wants to "control her boyfriend's friends", but that is exactly what you are.
When you say "But best friend, go find a new best friend that isn't my boyfriend" at the end of your article, you are making yourself out to be exactly what you say you aren't in the paragraph above it.
As someone who has had a number of guy friends her entire life, as someone who gets more than her share of nasty looks and cold shoulders from girls I've never done a thing to other than be friends with their boyfriends, your article and your entire mindset, along with the mindset of a huge part of the female population absolutely enrages me.
How do you think we feel as his friend when you've been friends with him for years and then all of the sudden he's with someone who doesn't want him around us anymore? We're hurt, we're upset and above anything else, we're absolutely furious with you and him for letting you control him and keeping him away from us when we've been in the picture way before you were. If you have a problem with us being friends with your boyfriend, you have bigger issues than whatever imaginary thing you think exists between your boyfriend and me.
I've never been in a relationship, but since I act like an adult and not a twelve-year-old, I wouldn't have a problem with my boyfriend being best friends with another girl because you can't control who they're best friends with, you can't control the relationships that they had before you were in the picture, you can't control who was in their life before you and you can't control who they have formed a bond with prior to your relationship. And I'm not the only one, I have other friends who have best friends that are guys and that have dated guys with female best friends. And guess what? They were perfectly okay with it because those of us that are mature don't have a problem with it.
I can tell you one thing, if I ever have a guy friend who's girlfriend said any of what you wrote to me, I would laugh in her face and then turn around and tell him what a crazy, jealous and controlling person you really are and that you're no good for him.
Because that's what we're here for. You see, we know how to spot the bad ones, we know who isn't good for him and we won't be shy about telling him when he picks someone who isn't good for him. We're his friend and friends don't let friends stay in relationships with people who try to control as much of their lives as possible. They look out for us, so it's only fair that we look out for them.
And it hurts, I can tell you that it really, really hurts.
I know firsthand how much it hurts, getting cut off by a friend because his girlfriend was jealous, it's happened to me before. I had a friend who I considered a really good friend, someone I talked to all of the time, someone I could joke around with, someone I felt like I knew. Then he got a girlfriend, the funniest part was that I gave him advice about her, helped him think of how to start a conversation with her, gave him things to talk about with her. Less than six months after they started dating, he stopped talking to me, stopped sitting next to me in class, stopped talking to me at lunch, would barely look at me if we were both hanging out with our group of friends.
After that happened, I told myself I wouldn't let another one of my friends cut me off like that ever again because of some stupid, controlling girl who was threatened by someone who was no more than a friend.
You know that little random hypothetical story you told? The one about how having your boyfriend's best friend be a girl being like "In second grade when your best friend finds a new best friend and suddenly, you are left in the dark. You are happy for their happiness, but it still hurts that they forgot about you".
How is that story supposed to help you? It just proves how much making your boyfriend cut off his female best friend hurts him and his best friend.
It's not fair and quite frankly, you're absolutely wrong.
You can sit there all day long saying that you're not jealous or controlling, but anyone who tells a girl to "find a new best friend that isn't my boyfriend" is jealous, controlling and, quite frankly, a terrible person.
I may only be his best friend, or maybe even just his friend, not his girlfriend, But I've been around longer than you, I already know him, I've cared about him longer than you've even known who he was. And chances are, I'll be around longer than you will be.
Just remember, I'll be at his wedding, there's no guarantee that you will be.
So girlfriend, if you have a problem with me, go find a new boyfriend that isn't my best friend.