I Wonder What You Would Think If You Were Still Here

I Wonder What You Would Think If You Were Still Here

I didn’t know that losing a great friend like you would make me so strong.

It’s been four and a half years since your beautiful soul left us. At first I was scared that I would someday forget you, and I never wanted that to happen. I was so young that I didn’t realize that you would leave an impact on my life that would never leave.

Four and a half years ago, a crisp winter night would turn into one that would impact my life forever. You were driving. My best friend was riding shotgun. My other friends were in a car ahead of you. None of us could even imagine what would happen that night.

To this day, no one really knows what happened for sure. Was the road slippery? Did you lose control of the wheel? I guess we will never know for sure, but we all know you didn’t deserve to go so young.

You were the positive one. The one that brought us all together. You lite up a room with your smile. You never failed to make your friends smile or laugh when they were down. There’s so many things I wish you could’ve been around for.

According to The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia Research Institute, car accidents are the leading cause of death for teenagers. In 2013, six teens between the ages of 16-19 died every day from car accidents. You were one of them.

My heart felt a physical ache it had never known before. I didn’t know my eyes could cry so hard for so long. I had never seen a guy bawl so hard until the night after you left us. We all wept together and grieved our loss. No one could ever replace you, there was no one like you.

It took a long time to be okay again. We (your friends) stood together and leaned on each other. We did our best to honor you and make you proud of us. We all believed you were looking down on us – our guardian angel.

Before you, I had never a friend so close to me. I was scared I would forget about you. Sometimes I go back through old videos to hear your voice. I look back through old Facebook posts to remember our silly conversations. I still miss you, daily.

At first I didn’t know that I would not only never forget you, but I would think of you every day.

I didn’t know that because of the tragedy that took you from us, I would find Jesus.

I didn’t know that losing a great friend like you would make me so strong.

If you were here, you would be getting ready for your senior year of college. I wonder what school you would’ve chosen, what you would’ve majored in and what career path you would’ve pursued.

What would you think of us? The ones you left behind.

Would you be proud of how we all stuck together after you left? Would you be honored by how we chose to remember you? Or would you be sad that we don’t see each other anymore? That we floated away and let our lives pull us apart.

We do all gather once a year when we visit you. For the short time that we are all together, we forget the petty fights and remember the fantastic memories of the past. We hug and laugh and catch up, I think you would really like it. I hope that you can see us when we do that.

If you were here could you have kept us together? Would you have been the one to rescue us when we were all falling apart?

I choose to think you are proud of us all. No matter where we are now. You were always the one to look on the bright side. The one to cheer us on and pick us up when we were down.

I miss you every day. I hope I am making you proud. You’re my guardian angel and I can feel you near in times of trouble. Thank you for watching over me.

Cover Image Credit: Annie Theby

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To The Friends I Won't Talk To After High School

I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.


So, for the last four years I’ve seen you almost everyday. I’ve learned about your annoying little brother, your dogs and your crazy weekend stories. I’ve seen you rock the awful freshman year fashion, date, attend homecoming, study for AP tests, and get accepted into college.

Thank you for asking me about my day, filling me in on your boy drama and giving me the World History homework. Thank you for complimenting my outfits, laughing at me presenting in class and listening to me complain about my parents. Thank you for sending me your Quizlets and being excited for my accomplishments- every single one of them. I appreciate it all because I know that soon I won’t really see you again. And that makes me sad. I’ll no longer see your face every Monday morning, wave hello to you in the hallways or eat lunch with you ever again. We won't live in the same city and sooner or later you might even forget my name.

We didn’t hang out after school but none the less you impacted me in a huge way. You supported my passions, stood up for me and made me laugh. You gave me advice on life the way you saw it and you didn’t have to but you did. I think maybe in just the smallest way, you influenced me. You made me believe that there’s lots of good people in this world that are nice just because they can be. You were real with me and that's all I can really ask for. We were never in the same friend group or got together on the weekends but you were still a good friend to me. You saw me grow up before your eyes and watched me walk into class late with Starbucks every day. I think people like you don’t get enough credit because I might not talk to you after high school but you are still so important to me. So thanks.

With that said, I truly hope that our paths cross one day in the future. You can tell me about how your brothers doing or how you regret the college you picked. Or maybe one day I’ll see you in the grocery store with a ring on your finger and I’ll be so happy you finally got what you deserved so many guys ago.

And if we ever do cross paths, I sincerely hope you became everything you wanted to be. I hope you traveled to Italy, got your dream job and found the love of your life. I hope you have beautiful children and a fluffy dog named Charlie. I hope you found success in love before wealth and I hope you depended on yourself for happiness before anything else. I hope you visited your mom in college and I hope you hugged your little sister every chance you got. She’s in high school now and you always tell her how that was the time of your life. I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.

And hey, maybe I’ll see you at the reunion and maybe just maybe you’ll remember my face. If so, I’d like to catch up, coffee?



Cover Image Credit: High school Musical

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