As a kid and until I was a teenager, my mom dressed me. I'm not saying that is a bad thing, but I never really felt comfortable in my own skin with what I was wearing.
When you are young like a toddler and even most of elementary school, your parents buy you clothes and pick everything out for you. My mom liked the way dresses, skirts, and the colors pink and purple looked on me.
It's hard now to imagine myself wearing dresses regularly. The last time I wore one was my senior prom. When I was in middle school, I wore what most of the girls my age wore, which was shirts with peace signs on it and super colorful leggings or jeans.
Hitting high school, though, was a big turning point for me. As most kids do, I got a lot of hand-me-downs. I mostly got them from an older girl cousin, but eventually, I started getting some from an older boy cousin for shirts to sleep in. I liked the way they looked, so I started wearing boys shirts to school.
As a sophomore, I worked, so I made my own money and I could buy whatever I wanted. I liked the way boys’ clothes fit me because the sizing ran bigger, so I was able to get a smaller size.
It made me feel better about my body. I started buying more boys shirts and eventually started buying boys shorts and sweatpants because I loved the colors and the way I looked in them.
As parents always do, I was met with some pushback from them. They were worried that I thought I was a boy after just coming out to them as bisexual a few months prior. It was understandable for them to be worried, but just because I wore clothes that were advertised for a specific gender, it did not mean I wanted to be that gender.
As a kid, I was always way more interested in things marketed for boys, like Hot Wheels, Legos, "Spongebob", and Cartoon Network. Those interests translated to my high school life and even my college life, but everyone around me assumed my interests and my clothing choices made me a boy.
I think my family misses the opportunity of having an average girl, and I know my clothing choices and interests made it hard for them to see me as a normal girl. For Christmas Eve in 2015, I wore a collared shirt and tie to church.
When I think about my future, I see myself in the movie business or in the tech business, which are currently very male-centered professions. None of these things make me a boy. Wearing a shirt and sweatpants don't make me a boy. Loving the color blue doesn’t make me a boy.
Liking girls doesn’t make me a boy.
I would like to think what makes me comfortable in my own skin and happy with the way I look would make other people like the way I look. Wearing what I want doesn’t make me any more of a female or a male.
