I was always told that college was where you find yourself. Somehow amongst the endless hours of stress and sleep deprivation, I was supposed to figure who I am in this world. It felt like I was on a clock and the longer it took to find myself the more lost I would become. In a sense, it was like that because I allowed myself to conform to the things I felt like sounded right to be and it set me back to focusing on the wrong things.

When you're not laying out your own blueprint, you can't build your foundation that is customized for you to succeed. There was no focus on me for a long time in my life. There was an extreme need for me to be selfish and I was worried people wouldn't understand that.

I went through a very strong people pleaser phase. I never said no to virtually anything for a good two years in my life. I personified that people pleaser aura because that's who I thought I had to be and amidst helping everyone else I forgot to help myself. I didn't prioritize correctly because while I was helping other people I wasn't at peace within. So while I'm going through these tribulations and trying to mend broken relationships, there were still things inside of me I had to fix. I didn't know it because I didn't truly know myself.

When it came time to find help, I started to depend on completely wrong things and completely wrong people. The refuge was found in relationships and interactions, which can both be very temporary. The only people I can depend on to help me was myself and God.

You can, of course, have friends to depend on - because I know I do, but watch how much your self-confidence grows when you know you can depend on yourself as well as God for strength. I look back at situations I went through and praise the fact that people left me to go through them alone because I would have never learned how to pick myself up. There are certain things you can't truly learn until you've experienced them first hand.

One day I decided to delete all preconceived notions I had about myself and about what others thought of me. I told myself that in order to get to know myself, it had to all come from within no extras allowed. I started digging into what I do and don't like. I found out my love languages and my ways to connect to people. Learned about what makes me angry and what makes me sad. Focused on how to control my anger and when it was necessary to express my anger. Figured out what makes me happy and even made a list, it grows every day. I think the most important thing I learned was to communicate with intent. I realized I spent a lot of my life communicating and holding in how I felt as well as spewing out words last minute. Communicating with intent taught me to speak up about what I can tolerate, reassure my friends in a deeper meaningful way and be able to connect with people I disagree with respectfully while fully expressing myself.

Of course, there were surface level activities when finding myself. I went on walks, wrote until I couldn't write anymore and took care of myself outwardly. There were things subjective and personal to my own journey because I believe finding your craft is an important part of finding yourself. I believe everyone contributes to the world in their own way and doing something that lights a fire inside you is how you can connect with yourself as well.

With all this being said it's important to remember that being there is a right and a wrong way to be selfish. You cannot be selfish to spite someone because, in the end, you're doing something to get a reaction out of someone else. You have to be selfish out of growth and priority. Recognize you're lost or why you're lost. Realize that although you love and care about the people around you that it's time to make yourself a better person so you can be a better brother, sister, daughter, son, aunt, uncle, niece, nephew, etc. When you're selfish enough to focus on your own personal growth within in you can translate it into becoming a selfless person because you'll have peace within.

Finding myself took a lot more than bubble baths and face masks. It's something that changes and evolves with the different trials you face in life. Once you know yourself no one can ever tell you who you are, but you and God.