There are some things that never seem to get easier after losing a sibling. One thing i can tell you for sure is that it doesn't get any easier...everyday is still a struggle. I am not sure that it ever will get easier!

I remember the day of my brother passing away like it was yesterday. I remember every little detail about that day, where I was, what i was doing...every single little detail! I was on my college campus, I was sitting in the financial aid office, then my mom called...and that's when my world got flipped upside down!

I remember having so many questions, who, what, when, where and how! To this day i don't have the answer to all these questions, but I know that it was the worst day of my life!

It is almost the one year mark of losing my big brother and everyday I cry at least once because I miss him! There is nothing I want more than to see him one more time, or hear his voice just once more!

I still sit here asking myself why? Why did it have to be like this? Why did god take you? Why just freaking why?! I don't know that I will ever understand why! I never experienced this much heartache before. I've never felt so lost, it feels like im completely falling apart..everyone keeps telling me it gets better..yeah well when? Im not convinced it gets easier! I have never not been able to just call her big brother and talk about my life.

Nothing is ever going to be the same without you! I can promise you that I will try to make things better for you! I know you would want what is best for all of us! I promise to make you proud!

I made you a promise, I promised you that no matter what happens I won't give up, and i plan on keeping this promise to you forever! No matter how hard life gets i will push through and continue this journey for the both of us. You were so happy for me the last time i saw you, you looked at me and said "Court you look amazing, i want you to promise me you will stick with it this time" and that is exactly what i plan on doing. I am going to continue to make you proud of me from above!

I am absolutely going insane without you, you might be gone, but I promise you that you will never be forgotten,