Everyone of us has had a friendship that we thought would last a lifetime. As human beings, we crave social interaction and for the most part, don't go into a friendship with someone with a deadline in mind for the relationship. We made friends in elementary that we thought would last forever, but in reality it's a small percentage that can say they've been friends for that long. As with any relationship that we forge in life, dynamics change. We grow, adapt, and experience life at different rates; we have different values and qualities that make us who we are. While we normally cling to people who share our ideals, humor, or hobbies those things are all subject to change with time.

Now, I feel like a disclaimer about myself is in order. I am a 19 year old, college drop out who has a small, close knit group of people I feel like I could truly label as my "friend." I have a lot of acquaintances, but I can count my friends on my own two hands.

This past week, I had to have a hard conversation with a friend of mine who I felt like wasn't really treating me like a friend lately. I felt like if they were my friend, I could have this conversation with them and discuss our viewpoints and come back together as friends. I have been friends with this person for almost 2 years. Not long by any real means, but in almost 2 years I had learned a lot about them and told them a lot about myself. We went to each other with our complaints about our family, friends, or other people, so I felt as though I could have this conversation.

Now, a little background on my "friend." They are the same age as I am, we went to school together for the last two years of high school and our first year of college. This person is someone who I use to think of as in the "popular" cliche in high school, but I would later come to find out it was more of a popularity with the opposite sex... Most people our age do not have a high opinion of this person and during the friendship they "had no idea why." They "had no friends" I was one of their only friends, they hated people in our small town and the surrounding towns, and I believed them when they conveyed the idea that it was just everyone else's problem that they didn't like this person.

In a year of friendship with this person, I have heard all the juicy gossip on everyone else this person associated with. I heard many complaints about the select few they called their friends for hours on end. I drove back and forth from the town I live in now to the town I graduated from to see this person and just talk for even maybe just one hour.

Lately our friendship has seemed strained.. The only times we got together was when this person suggested the plan, and it's not because I didn't suggest ideas; my plans or ideas just weren't what the other person wanted to do, I suppose. And in the past few weeks, my birthday occurred. I didn't have any major plans just to play mini-golf. At first this friend was all aboard for it when I told them 2 weeks before, then the day of it was, "I don't have the money to spend," and then it was, "I picked up more hours at work." In a way, I felt pushed aside. In the 2 weeks since my birthday, I decided to confront them about how I was made to feel on my birthday.

This person lashed out. I was "attacking them" and I was "ridiculous" and they were "sorry I felt that way." This was my friend. We had been through a lot in 2 years, but the moment I tried to just tell them how I've been feeling, I was a pariah.

It's been a couple days since I last tried to talk to them, and I'm done trying. Petty as it may sound, I removed this person from my social media and haven't seen them since. In hindsight, there are things this person told me that don't add up. People who just hated this person for no reason, probably actually have a good reason. I wish my old friend no ill will, but I cannot have toxicity in my life right now. I have to take care of my mental health.

Never be afraid to "cut someone out." You may be painted as the bad guy, but if that's how you feel in your soul, you should do it.

To my friendship lost, I miss you, my heart hurts, but I will never regret my actions over this. I cannot.