I killed myself.

I bet you didn't think you were going to read those words did ya? And you are probably thinking why? Why would you do that to yourself? Why would you put loved ones through that pain? The pain of not knowing what else they could do to help. The pain of not knowing what you were going through. You didn't give anyone a chance to save you.

And maybe your right. Maybe I didn't give anyone a chance to save me. But what if I did and no one picked up the signs. The thing is I told people without telling them. I first changed my hair because everyone made fun of the way it looked. So I grew it out and changed the color. Does that make me pretty yet? I then changed the clothes that I wore and I started wearing makeup because I was told I was beautiful every time I wore it. And if I'm being honest that's the only time I heard I was beautiful. So I woke up early every day, some nights getting very little to no sleep at all.

Just so I could make sure I fit in. To make sure I would turn heads when I walked through the doors. And it's not like I wanted the attention because most of the time I wanted to be invisible. I changed who I hung out with because hanging with the so-called freaks, geeks, and loners, isn't who you want to hang with. You have to hang with the "Popular," kids if you want to have a voice and be somebody. I lost interest in things that I loved to do. Like music, theater, and writing because it wasn't what the other kids were into. And being yourself is so hard to do when you don't know who that is.

I started to become someone else. Someone I didn't recognize when I looked into the mirror. And every night it would end the same. I'd come home, do homework, take off my makeup, and have a long night of crying into a pillow, only to wake up the next day to repeat. It was like I became a completely different person. It was like I left my body and watched as something else took over and I couldn't do anything about it.

it was like I killed myself.