I understand it is far past Christmas at this point, but I find myself asking perhaps the most pressing, important question ever conceived by a William & Mary student. How in Botetourt’s name was Santa Claus present at W&M’s Yule Log ceremony?
The ceremony was in the middle of the holiday season, there’s seemingly no way Saint Nick could’ve found time out of his busy toymaking schedule to visit the college. I’ve written before about when the holiday season begins and how hot chocolate truly represents it, but I find that this topic is far more important.
This matter will require some masterful theorizing and questioning. By the end of this article, I’m sure I’ll have been offered a tenured position at the College. I will find the answers I seek!
Why Belief in Santa is Paramount to Understanding
If you do not believe in Santa Claus, you can stop reading this article now. My theorizing is all based on the assumption that Santa exists and is a present, active entity on this planet we call the Earth. I simply cannot not believe in the jolly old man, as I would find myself promptly placed on the naughty list. I apologize to all the Santa skeptics if we find ourselves in disagreement, but I fear the prospect of merely being gifted lumps of coal on Christmas Day. I also wish to avoid the coming of the Dark Terror Krampus (in short, a Yuletide demon), whose existence I’ve been made aware of as of the 2015 feature comedy-horror film. I am aware of the fact that it is January at the moment, but we all ought to keep the Christmas spirit alive, lest we find ourselves without presents and in the presence of a half-goat, half-demon monster.
An Approach of Santanic Singularity
The common presumption of Santans (believers of Santa) across the globe is that there merely exists One Single Santa. Before I mused over Santa’s presence at Yule Log, I myself was a subscriber of this theory. American media would have you believe this is the case: The Spongebob Christmas Special, The Santa Clause, and even the Google Maps tracker that tracks Santa’s flight across the world would have you believe this approach. However, what this “singular” theory fails to account for is Santanic diversity.
The Multi-Santa Condundrum
In short, Santanic diversity is the diverse, all-encompassing nature of Santa. Santa is never consistent in his appearance, tone of voice, or even skin color. Shopping malls across the United States all boast of having exclusive access to Saint Nick.
William & Mary is guilty of this as well: at the Yule Log ceremony, we were told that our Santa was the only Santa, called upon to serve by President Reveley. This lead me to realize that multiple Santas exist in this world. How else could Santa be both black and white? How else would he have a voice nearly identical to President Reveley’s at Yule Log while sounding completely different at other times?
In conclusion, my question has been solved. Santa exists, rather Santas exist. There are more than one. Of course, the North Pole must have been incredibly busy during the Yule Log season, but Santa was able to address the Tribe because other Santas were covering his workload.
How do multiple malls and shopping centers all claim to have Santa present at their events? There is no one Santa. Why does Santa often vary in appearance? Santanic diversity. I rest my case.