It's so easy to tell someone what they're doing wrong; but why don't we ever tell people what they're doing right?
It's 2016. At this point in time, we are aware of different personality types, different ways people learn, different ways people love, and so much more. So why can we not understand, that not everybody can handle being beaten down constantly?
Let me set the scene for you:
I am working; my boss comes down and catches me in a moment of free time (which hardly ever happens) and immediately starts telling me other projects that need to be worked on. On another day, I am at school and my professor tells me everything that is wrong with my assignment. The next week I am home and my parents are lecturing me on the organization of my room, or pressuring me about what I am going to do with "the rest of my life." Side note, there is not one thing that I will do for "the rest of my life." I will do many things, live many places, have many careers. But getting back on topic, all of these people in our lives are so quick to point out what we are doing wrong. They call it "constructive criticism," but not all of us respond well to constructive criticism.
In a world of personality tests, every boss should request that their employees take one. Learn about your employees so you know how to work with them. In taking a personality test, you may find out that you respond well to criticism, it motivates you to work harder. You may find that criticism actually shuts you down, and instead, you are motivated by positive reinforcement. When was the last time someone told you how great of a job you were doing at work? Or how much you're dominating adulthood? You may even find out that you need physical recognition to motivate you. Some of us need a certificate of achievement, a trophy or a promotion to validate the work we are doing. None of these are wrong, they are just the different ways we, as humans, are motivated to do better for ourselves and for each other.
It is never a bad idea to let somebody know what motivates you. If you have a boss who is constantly breaking you down with criticism of your work, try to have a civil conversation with them about how that is hindering your work ethic rather than improving it.
There is a book called "The 5 Love Languages," by Gary Chapman, that is incredibly insightful. It talks about how different people give and receive love in their own way. Sometimes, you have to learn your partners love language, because they may not receive love in the same way you do, so you cannot give them love in the same way you want to receive it. Basically, the five love languages are:
1.Words of Affirmation (i.e. "Great Job on that project!")
2. Acts of Service (i.e. Making them dinner, cleaning up)
3. Receiving Gifts (i.e. Buying them a present)
4. Quality Time (i.e. Going for a walk, spending time together)
5. Physical Touch (i.e. Hugging, Cuddling)
These are different ways that people give and receive love, but not everyone is the same. One example of this is that I respond best to Words of Affirmation, but my husband responds to Physical Touch. He constantly compliments me on the work I am doing, or even my makeup in the morning. If he is feeling upset, I hug him or make sure I have a hand on his shoulder to show my support. We had to learn these things about each other and know that I could not just compliment him and make him feel better in that way, just as he cannot just hug me for all of my worries to disappear.
Though these are the languages of love, they do not always have to be romanticized. Your love language has a lot to do with your personality type and can be applied to your platonic relationships as well.
Before you criticize, just take a moment to recognize that not everyone responds to criticism in the way you might. Sometimes, we just need to know that we're doing ok.
