Stressed about money? Tired of being told it's just coz you're a lazy millennial? Have no fear! Follow any one of these fifteen tips to be rolling in millions in no time.
1. Pick the right major.
https://www.facebook.com/PaperWritingsService/photos/basw.AbrynO5NnulcQo
If it's a field people want to go into, it's probably the wrong one. Don't you dare work with kids or old people or charities. Only science and math for you.
2. Invest early.
https://www.facebook.com/730533897137372/photos/bc.Abpl4ia
It's all about starting early. The difference between investing at 25 and at 30 is a million dollars. If you don't have the money to invest now--you'll be poor forever. But if you start when you're born you can be a millionaire by the time you graduate. Nothing to it.
3. Don't go into debt.
https://www.facebook.com/juicymemeboys/photos/basw.Abq3ZHjuErhO93k205v
It doesn't matter that in the '70s a minimum wage summer job could pay for university and today Visa and McDonald's estimate that to afford to live on your own, all it takes is two full-time jobs and a willingness to not budget anything for health insurance, fuel or maintenance for your car, or groceries. NBD. All this whining about college tuition on top of living expenses? Everyone knows millennials are lazy. Just get a fourth job already for tuition. God gave everyone the same 24 hours.
4. Stop buying Starbucks.
https://www.google.com/search?as_st=y&hl=en&tbs=sur%3Af&tbm=isc
The only obstacle between you and your six-figure-income is your $5 daily coffee habit. See, if you drink no Starbucks and commit to morning misery for the next sixty years, you can retire with a million dollars.
5. Get a side hustle.
https://www.google.com/search?as_st=y&hl=en&tbs=sur%3Af&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=sPD
Work a side job for an extra 20 hrs/ week. Just think. If you work an extra 20 hours a week at $15/hr, ignore taxes, and only put 10hrs of your extra income towards all the bills your 40hr/week job doesn't cover, that leaves you $150 extra income a week. That's $7,800 a year. Make sure you don't get sick or buy a house or have your car break down and in 128 years you'll be a millionaire.
7. Get a sugar daddy.
https://www.facebook.com/773348686200763/photos/basw.AbqEBP_1W
This is easier than you'd think. I personally know several sugar babies, and according to the premiere site for sugar arrangements, there are handsome sugar daddies out there just aching to drip you in jewelry and pay you $2,800/month for tuition, compromising of morals encouraged but not required.
8. Marry rich!
https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C5CHFA_enUS701US701&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=
Harder than finding a sugar daddy, but (presumably) more legal than some of the following options.
9. Commit check fraud.
https://www.facebook.com/CatchMeIfYouCanMovie/photos/bc.AboEDr-pQw1uWuup
it worked out for Frank. Till he went to jail.
10. Be an Uber driver in NYC.
https://www.google.com/search?as_st=y&hl=en&tbs=sur%3Af&tbm=isch&sa=
All it takes is making sure you have $0.00 in expenses and in 10yrs you'll be a millionaire.
11. Rob banks.
https://www.google.com/search?as_st=y&hl=en&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=ffX9W9G7N
Robin Hood had it easy. But thanks to all the films and TV series that showcase crime, we can all be experts at heists.
12. Have your child review toys on YouTube.
https://www.google.com/search?as_st=y&hl=en&tbs=sur%3Af&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=
This kid made 11 million when he was 7. No kid? No problem. Find a baby daddy, have a cute kid, and put the kiddie's nose to the grindstone. Bam. 11million in under 8 years.
13. Sell your organs on the black market.
https://www.facebook.com/1297809563661335/photos/bc.AbpCq3Xhu4rCmuMFy7XQ41SS36Xq5dRSbpVH8
Did you know that theoretically your body is worth up to $45 million? You have to sell every drop of it, but living in the lap of luxury till your body goes into renal failure is worth it. It's not a dumb way to die if you get buried in a gold casket, amiright?
14. Win the lottery.
Your odds could be as close as 1 in 13,983,816. According to the National Weather Service, you're 20,000 times more likely to be hit by lightning than win the Mega Millions—if you bought a ticket each week, you could win once every 269,000 years. But someone's gotta win it. Might as well be you.
15. Overthrow the government and re-haul our failing economic system.
Good luck.
