When you lose someone, anyone, it is painful. Your dog, your best friend, your father. Death is the most painful thing I have ever felt in my young life of 21. There is nothing stronger than the pain your heart gives after you lose a person.
One thing to understand when consoling someone is that everyone takes death differently.
Some people will just cry and talk about that person for days, even weeks, after it’s happened.
Some people will be silent for years.
Some people need their family more than anything and need them ONLY, and friends have to understand this.
Some people will claim to be “okay” but will really be depressed. Under these circumstances, you have to let that person do whatever they’re going to do and trust it’s best for them and how they handle death.
Some people will say “it is what it is” and expect you to move on.
Death is not for the kind-hearted. I mean, you have to be some type of strong to be the last person on that list.
What NOT to say to someone you’re consoling:
“It’s for the best.”
“You’ll see them again.”
“They’re in a better place.”
“Be strong.”
“How’s your mom?”
By the way, if anyone asks how Mom is I’m going to say she’s doing badly. Because then what’re you going to say? “Oh, I’m sorry...” What can you do about it? What will you do about it? Nothing, so please stop asking.
What you SHOULD say:
“Do you need anything?”
“Do you want to get ice cream?”
“I'm gonna come over so you’re not alone.”
You have to understand the way someone handles death before you speak your mind about what you haven’t been through. Everyone has lost someone, yes, but right now you’re helping me, and I need you to be here for me.
I am the type that needed my family more than anything. After Dad passed, I didn’t want to see anyone but a family member. Just someone who knows me indefinitely and will just hold me and be there for me.
We have to understand death is a thing that happens every day, and we honestly have to get over it. Death is a thief. It’s like a hawk among puppies in an open field. No remorse, no “sorries,” no second chances for anything. I wish I could go back and take advantage of the time I had with my dad, but you know I can’t. I have to live with that every day.
Would I change anything? Would I be a different person? Who knows?
All I know is that my dad put me on a pedestal, and I aim high every single day for him. Everything I do, day by day, is for him and more importantly for my momma. Anyone who knows me knows if I lose my momma, I will lose myself. She is what I work for, what I strive to be, and I hope I make her proud in my future. With her next to me and Dad as my angel, I believe I will get where I am supposed to be.
A note to Death: You suck. Please stay out of my family for a long time.
