10 Ways To Be A WASP
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

10 Ways To Be A WASP

Step by step instructions to make you a fabulous stereotypical privileged white kid

9912
10 Ways To Be A WASP
Google

(n): White Anglo-Saxon Protestant; your average upper-middle-class white female/male in the United States.

Growing up in the first world, it’s easy to lose track of the privilege I have been born into. Often, I struggle to imagine how anything could be worse than receiving the wrong Starbucks order or a B on my most recent exam. As I have grown up, however, I have been exposed to individuals who have not experienced the same lifestyle I grew up with. Although I try my best to continue to surround myself with my fellow WASPs, I occasionally find myself in the presence of someone outside of my socioeconomic race category; even worse, once I met a Catholic!

So, instead of solving this problem by changing the way I think or, God-forbid, exposing myself to variety in life, I developed the following list to help non-WASPs meet me where I’m at. Hopefully, this will create a WASPier world and maybe -- just maybe -- create a better world. (If you already consider yourself a WASP, skip to #10.)

1. Maintain an ongoing list of your “first world problems.”

Spilled wine on that new half-zip; forgot to pack Greek yogurt for work today; lost the back to your favorite earring; bought salmon drapes when your color-scape was coral--all of these are acceptable problems to successfully distract you from the real world.

2. Try to find a way to feel marginalized.

Racism is real and as a privileged white American, you have experienced it. Where is the “White Lives Matter” march? Why don’t white Americans get a history month? People like Kim Davis deserve just as much protest as Tamir Rice (even if her actions were illegal and Rice was just playing in the park).

3. And complain about those whiney “real” minorities.

Like, okay, we get that you don’t have the same rights as the rest of us and are still discriminated against in the 21st century, but the endless marches and movements and appeals to supreme courts are getting old. Most minorities already get a whole month and a museum exhibit or something -- do we really have to change an entire system just because it’s biased against you?

4. Assume that most people are just like you.

The easiest way to remain WASP-y is to surround yourself with lots of other WASPs. Then, not only do you never have to leave you plush comfort zone, but you can also assume that, given your surroundings, most people are just like you! (Just don’t think too hard about who the guy is that mows your lawn).

5. Never forget your heritage.

True, your ancestors could very well have participated in slavery and if they came on the Mayflower, they destroyed an entire nation of Native Americans -- but, they worked hard and now you get to be a happy, carefree WASP. Plus, you go to the casino sometimes, so you give back!

6. Ignore your privilege.

Find people who have more money than you and spend time with them. You may live in the 1%, but you are definitely not in the 1% of that group. As long as someone else has more than you, you can’t really be privileged.

7. Dress for success.

Think JCrew, Brooks Brothers, Vinyard Vines, and Ralph Lauren. In order to be a WASP, you have to look the part. The purpose of clothing is not to clothe yourself or even follow fashion trends- it is to convince others that your clothing budget could pay their college tuition.

8. See the world, or at least visit Chinatown once.

You can still be super cultured from your home in Connecticut. You have been to several non-American restaurants and you downloaded Duolingo on your phone last week! Why would you need to expose yourself to other cultures, especially when some countries don’t have free wi-fi?

9. Never let the government take your rights.

If there’s one thing WASPs hate, it’s the idea that the government may infringe on their rights. Since there’s no way to buy the government (oh -- wait), make sure that everyone around you knows that you will never ever give up your gun rights. Not because you actually own a gun or because you would actually lose your right to bear arms, but still, you have a right that another WASP gave you hundreds of years ago!

10. Take offense at everything -- including this article.

If you have made it to this point and you feel incredibly offended by what you have read, congratulations! You are now a WASP. Remember that you are now part of a special community dedicated to the betterment of each other. If you should ever find yourself considering a tour with Doctors Without Borders or entering an art gallery that is not Monet, please refer back to this article for a refresher course.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Robert Bye on Unsplash

I live by New York City and I am so excited for all of the summer adventures.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The invention of photography

The history of photography is the recount of inventions, scientific discoveries and technical improvements that allowed human beings to capture an image on a photosensitive surface for the first time, using light and certain chemical elements that react with it.

180204

The history of photography is the recount of inventions, scientific discoveries and technical improvements that allowed human beings to capture an image on a photosensitive surface for the first time, using light and certain chemical elements that react with it.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers

1636276

Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

1024882
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series

931444
Netflix

Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

608478
Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

391402
Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?

503790

Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments