Last week, I did something I always thought was stupid. I opened my app store and downloaded one of those apps who shows you who’s not following you on Instagram. I don’t typically care about how many followers I have, but I was more just curious. I was immediately slapped in the face with a long list of people who apparently don’t give a f**k about my life, some people who I thought were at least good acquaintances, or even friends.
But I wouldn’t say I was hurt. Actually, I felt pretty relieved.
And so I purged my following list, unfollowing everyone who wasn’t following me, aside from celebrities or people who I really care about. I realized something as I went down that list, clicking unfollow over and over again. More than half of those people unintentionally fueled my lack of self-esteem, people I always compared myself to, people who I found myself constantly checking up on, wishing I could be them. Some had even hurt me in person, but most of them were people I just really didn’t like. So why was I even following them in the first place?
Because social media is a trap, and I don’t mean just Instagram.
A friend of mine once said to me, “You feed off of Instagram likes to fuel your self-esteem.” I immediately got defensive and insisted that it wasn’t true, knowing all too well that that was a lie. But that didn’t stop me. While it shed light on my problem, it only made it worse.
Since my purge, I have realized how many things bother me about social media.
“Here’s a suggestion for who you should follow, but only because everyone else follows them, not because you know this person at all.”
“We’re going to put this person’s photo at the top of your feed, not because it’s someone whose photos you like most often, but everyone else likes them, so you should too. Alienate anyone who isn’t popular."
And what do those little hearts even mean? Why is it even the slightest bit significant how many times people bothered to tap once or twice on your photo? Why does it matter how many people have bothered to type a few heart/fire emojis underneath your photos?
Looking to achieve a feed aesthetic? Post. Delete, your forehead got cut off. Resize. Repost. Delete, the filter doesn’t blend with your other posts. Change the filter. Repost. Wait. Watch for notifications.
Do you even gain anything from looking at your own feed? Do you get any new information? These are all my pictures. Yes, that looks nice. People will want to look at this.
I’m by no means suggesting that there’s anything wrong with being an active member of social media. I take a glance at my own feed at least twice a day to admire its aesthetic, I consider deleting anything that doesn’t get at least sixty likes. I spend hours scrolling through my explore page watching the same reposted vines over and over again. I comment “SLAY” on all my friends’ selfies (because they’re beautiful and deserve to be hyped up) and hope they do the same. I stunt a professional photoshoot for every new outfit/makeup look because I know they make good posts. I put way too much thought into my choice of filter before posting a photo. I’ve painted just one thumbnail for a picture of me holding a Polaroid.
None of these behaviors have to be destructive if used in moderation and not taken too seriously.
But certain social media behaviors are certainly unhealthy for me. I started by unfollowing all the people that have hurt me, all the people I feel no attachment to, all the people I compare myself to, everyday people and celebrities alike. I stopped watching for how many likes a photo gets because there’s no need to care. It’s just a number. My social media is a way for me to document my life for myself and those who care about me. I could care less of the sister of the boyfriend of that girl that my best friend’s cousin used to date in middle school likes my photo. Social media doesn’t have to be stressful. It doesn’t have to be dangerous in any way. It is all in how you use it. I found that I was growing to use Instagram for validation, and that was damaging to me and my self-esteem, and that’s when it became a problem.
Do what makes you feel wonderful about yourself. Don’t put so much value in your social media status. Stop comparing yourself to others. The images you see online are only glimpses into a person’s life. They never tell the whole story.
As always, love yourself and your whole world will change.
